At My Wits End!
|March 11, 2008||Posted by The Informal Matriarch under babies, boys, childhood, discipline, family, kids, motherhood, parenting, stay at home mom, toddlers|
Today is a day where I just want to say ARRRRGGGG!!
I am so frustrated with how vicious Silas is with Isaac. He pushes, pulls, slaps and scratches and, as of late, it seems to be going on constantly. If I turn my back to do something, quite often I hear a slap. I can’t leave them out of my eyesight or Ikey gets beat on!
You know those kids that hit themselves when their parents scold them and then we judge the parents thinking that they most likely get beaten at home? Well, that’s not the case. Silas constantly whacks himself when I scold him and he’s never ever been hit (aside from his cousin Lucas feeding him the beats…payback).
I hate seeing Silas do this, I hate that Ikey has a bully. I hate that I feel like I’m failing in this area. I don’t know what else to do with him though. I don’t believe in spanking. I’m not hitting my child for hitting somebody. I don’t want to discipline my children with fear. I want to do it all the right way but the “right” way isn’t working very well. I’m 99.9% consistent with consequences for the hitting when I see it happen. Sometimes it seems like the time outs are REALLY working, they have helped but sometimes we go backwards.
I hate how he smiles when I tell him to look me in the eyes and then I tell him that he can’t hit and that it hurts Ikey. Usually he smiles and then tries to head-butt me. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I feel like all Silas gets is a lot of no’s right now. I do try and give him positive feedback when he’s gentle and when he does something well. It’s hard to not feel like I’m to blame for him being like this. What could I do better? Do I need to sit beside him 100% of the time and stop the action before it happens? Should I allow him to hit himself? Brent doesn’t want him to and I’m indifferent so I just honor Brent’s wishes with that one and I don’t let him do it. He’s been clapping a lot when he’s really mad.
This morning Silas hurt Ikey so badly that Ikey actually cuddled…that’s bad. I was right there but on the other side of the baby gate and Silas raked his hand across Ikey’s face SO quickly. It was awful. I was mad for so long, I couldn’t cuddle Silas or anything.
Whenever Silas is mad about something I make a mad dash over to Ikey so I can protect him from his brother’s flailing arms. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don’t. I feel so bad that Ikey is getting hit, I don’t want any child to get by a parent or a sibling.
I know babies brains are negatively effected from being spanked or hearing their parents yell at each other, I wonder how Silas’ screaming and hitting translates in that area. I know it’s normal for a baby to get some abuse from their older sibling but it just seems so awful and so not fair. I don’t want it to effect my darling Isaac in a negative way.
Anyway, I’m at my wits end with this. I don’t know how drastic I need to take this. Yes I want to do what’s right but I also need to protect my baby who can’t protect himself. I don’t know the next step. I also know it’s common so what’s worked for some of you who’s dealt with this? Is it just a lot of time and eventually they grow out of it?