My counselor learned that I’m a blogger so I have an assignment from her today. She actually wants to hear all of your input to. So comment please…perhaps today is a good day to quit lurking 🙂 I’ll love you still if you don’t.
K here’s the thing. I live my day to day thinking I should be doing a lot of things that I don’t do. It really gets me down. I don’t know where all of these should’s have come from, perhaps I’ve picked them up from here and there. But I definitely focus on them a lot even though I don’t realize that I’m doing it. My counselor wants me to write a list of my “shoulds” and hopefully hear some feedback from all you folk. So here I go. I’m going to leave out a few of them that might be TMI for Grans and Grumps :).
- I should keep a cleaner home
- I should take my kids outside more
- I should exercise more
- I should eat less
- I should stop spending so much money on delicious red wine
- I should stop eating dairy products
- I should stop playing on the net so often
- I should give Silas and Isaac each more one on one time
- I should have more energy
- I should stand up for myself more
- I should stop fearing conflict
- I should start saying yes to people who want to hang out
- I should be skinnier
- I should stop letting Isaac nurse at night
- I should start doing more fun things with my husband
- I should go to bed earlier
- I should keep to my cleaning routine
- I should actually fold clothes
- I should feed my family more fish
- I should pay off my debt faster
- I should get my taxes done (k I really SHOULD do that)
- I should get to my mom’s house more often
- I should start singing in church again
- I should start writing songs again
- I should reach out more
- I should have a sponsor child
- I should tithe
- I should get a compost (K I am on Saturday)
- I should work harder to get our renos done
- I should think before I speak
- I should make more things from scratch
- I should have more deep conversations with my husband
- I should be better with money
- I should drink more water
- I should remember to take my vitamins
- I should be a better wife
- I should teach my kids more
- I should get my kids dressed in the morning instead of letting them roam about in their PJ’s (but it’s so comfy)
- I should take better care of my hair and my skin
- I should be the kind of person who can take on challenges
- I should be better at setting goals
- I should be better at actually trying to reach a goal
- I should stop saying should so much
- I should try and make money somehow
- I should take more photos
- I should eat more veggies
- I should take singing lessons again
- I should take piano lessons
- I should focus more on the now then the future or past
- I should work on Silas’ communication skills more
- I should make more of an effort to sit at the table and eat with everyone (but by the end of the day I’d rather eat in a closet than eat at a table with loud children)
- I should reach out to my nieces and nephews more
- I should be more like so and so
- I should learn to sew
- I should make more gifts
- I should be a Suzie home maker
- I should clean the kitchen every night before I go to bed
- I should cook more frugal-y (I dunno…is frugaly a word??)
- I should be more social at church
- I should be ok with myself when I always stick my foot in my mouth at church
- I should stop being so scared of social situations
- I should be the change I want to see in the world
- I should stop eating at Wendy’s (but that spicy baconater!!)
- I should start going to Nexus again
- I should show my husband more appreciation
- I should volunteer
- I should volunteer for the Olympics
- I should read my Bible….but I don’t understand it anymore…
- I should fit into my summer clothes before it gets too hot
- I should do anything possible to pay off our debt, even collect cans
- I should buy a better car
- I should keep my car cleaner
- I should stop forgetting to throw dirty diapers away
- I should have more people over
- I should call my chiropractor
- I should stop procrastinating
- I should pay my bills on time more often…oops
- I should go visit my Grandparents more often
- I should be less pessimistic
- I should stop being so honest with people…but I can’t help it
- I should make a bunch of meals and freeze them
- I should bake more
- I should give more of myself
- I should stop sitting in front of the computer or on the couch so much
- I should put my marriage before my kids (how the heck do people do that?)
- I should stop being such a pushover
- I should be more thankful for what I have
- I’m starting to think I should stop telling myself “I should” so much
- I should keep the kids toys in line more
- I should read more parenting books
- I should have more patience
K I have to stop now. I’m feeling ill and overwhelmed. I could still go on. It wasn’t hard at all to think of those things because I say all of that and more to myself on a daily basis. No wonder I’m going crazy.
I have this vision in my mind of the person I want to be. She’s skinny with long hair and wears stylish clothes. She does all these things and more. She’s not Leah.
I think with time we all mature and grow into better people we create more habits, we learn to do things more efficiently. Of course if I tried all these things at the same time I’ve never find time to do it. It’s hard to let go of them. It rocked my world last night when I realized that thinking this way isn’t the best for me. It’s hard for me to accept that I already am a good, well-rounded person. I should remind myself of the things I already am instead of what I should be. That’s the one “should” I think I need to actually focus on.
Sorry if there’s spelling mistakes. I can’t bring myself to actually read over all of that. I fear I might throw up or explode.
Thoughts?
Hi Leah – long time, no comment. (I should comment more than lurking.;) I just had the SAME conversation with my counselor last week, weird huh? But she really helped me get things into perspective and I hope yours can do the same. One thing I learned about myself is instead of feeling anger, I feel guilt. About everything! Point is, I think I know where you’re coming from. I don’t know you personally, but what I can comment on is that I think you are an amazing writer – you keep me coming back daily to read what you have to say. Based on your posts, you clearly love your family DEEPLY. You can grow flowers!!!!! (Love to look at ’em, can’t for the life of me grow ’em.) I think your honesty is refreshing – wish I could be more authentic. You’ve already taught me a cooking tip, just from one post, and I remember it and use it. (I’m thinking there’s more, but we’re late for gymnastics.) Oh, you’re a great photographer!
Take Care! Hang in there!
I think you should split your list into a few categories to help yourself get rid of a few “should’s”. You could put somethings under “It’d be fun to” like “singing lessons” and “make things from scratch”.Then do those once in a while. You could put a few under the category “perfect mom’s…”.Things like making your family eat fish! Then let those ones be forced on the strange family’s.
Then you could categorize like 1 of those as ” Tomorrow I’m going to”. And change the word more to “Some. Like “tomorrow I’m going to drink some water”. In my psych book it says that shoulds’ are just as bad as cant’s. So change whatever is left to “I’d like to’s” or “it’d be nice if’s”.That way you can let yourself off the hook for needing to “do” stuff. There’s one though that you should have added. It’s the “I’m going to” category. There should only be one thing under it though. “I’m going to visit Courtenay!”
Haha I realized I said you “should” to start that comment. hehe. I meant “could”.
I think you should LOVE yourself more….Have more time for Leah.
That is an exhaustive list, and no wonder you don’t have energy to go outside or have social interaction, you’re very busy on the inside. I believe we all have “shoulds” that we hold to for various reasons. I often ask myself “how is this helping me to hold on to this expectation?” Sometimes it helps to know the gain we’re getting from something not very helpful. It helps me make more space to be compassionate with myself and have permission to be human. I don’t know if that’s helpful so take it for what it’s worth. I feel for you though, it sucks to try to hold to so many expectations, it’s exhausting!
Hi. Well before i can actually comment properly i would like you to write a list of things you do do in the day. Only then can you really see if your shoulds are actually possible. Else what is the point? You only wasting time by thinking of what you
Should do and not just do something.
Guess what!! I should do all those things too! That’s some list!!! The thing for me is that I ask myself, if I were on my deathbed right now, what would I wish with all my heart that I would have done more of? I can tell you that it would not be “ate more fish” or “tried harder to be like so and so.” Right? It would be “spent more time just watching my kids play” or “showed my husband how much I appreciate him” – so I concentrate on those things in my day and not the petty stuff like having a clean house. My house is clean enough. When I go to bed at night, I sleep well if I can answer this question with a “yes” – if I don’t wake up, will my loved ones know how I feel about them?
Wow… that’s a scary list. Smaller lists 🙂 Don’t make it so overwhelming. HUGS TO YOU!
There is only 1 “I should” on my list and that is…I should take better care of myself. All of the rest falls into place after that…for the most part. When I take care of myself I am a healthier, happier, more giving, accepting person.
P.S. you should give yourself a hug from me 🙂
found you! 🙂 anyways..talk about inspiring me. as i was reading i couldn’t believe it but you helped me realize what the heck was going on with me!..i’m going to do the same… and court’s thing was good too..made sense.
thanks leah.. as your finding yourself.. you’re helping others so the same.
xxoo
Ooooo yay you!! Do you have a blog too sweetums??
What if you made a list of things that you do do? And of who you are? That’s a long list of shoulds and by the end I’m sure you felt like nothing. So I would make a list beside it of things that you have accomplished and I’m sure it’ll get just as long and be more encouraging. Just my thought.
I didn’t know you read my blog Vanessa!!
I tend to peek in every once in awhile! =) Scary eh.