I’m Not Lazy!

Is it Monday already? Goodness time flies on the weekends. We had a great weekend, spend lots of time with my sisters and that’s excellent! Brent got our microwave hood fan installed so it feels like i have this prairie-like expanse of available counter-space. It’s a beautiful sight!

Today is day four on the light therapy. I do feel a bit better. It’s hard to figure out if I’m sleeping better when I have kids waking me up or urges to pee. On day one of my therapy I was really easily irritated, day two I was just full out depressed. I started out on day three feeling pretty awful but I got better throughout the day and now I’m feeling much better. Lets see if this holds up.

I read this last night and it made me feel good. The exact words that I could say and perhaps some ADDer’s out there should hear.

“…I felt different. I always struggled with comparing myself to other people, unable to figure out how they could so easily manage the things I sweated over. I wondered if they had some secret to which I wasn’t privy or if they managed to accomplish a lot at the expense of their families…I didn’t know it was just easier for other people. I assumed that I was too self-indulgent to accept the challenges

“when I was diagnosed with ADD, the relief was enormous-I was finally able to make sense of my struggles. Having ADD meant that I wasn’t bad, lazy, unmotivated or stubborn. It meant that I could look at my life through different-colored lenses. I could stop filtering my accomplishments through the expectations I based on comparisons to others. I began to marvel at all I had managed to do in spite of a significant disability.”

-Kate Kelly, You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy

Gosh I love hearing other people feel the same as me. That’s partially why I write about this stuff, perhaps someone out there feels the same way and can be partially healed by knowing I go through a lot of the same things. That’s why I’m always open. Hearing words like that is priceless so I like doing it (hopefully) for others.

Growing up I always wondered why most people were better at school than me. Not necessarily smarter, I think I’m a pretty smart person. I just couldn’t make myself do much I had a heck of a time applying myself. I didn’t realize there was a reason aside from me being completely lazy and self-indulgent. I still have trouble with it. Even though I know there’s a reason behind my madness. I have to keep reminding myself to not compare myself to others. That really helps the depression go away too.

Well back to my Flylady tasks. I haven’t started full tilt on her program yet because I’ll burn out and give up. BUT I’m going to do some more tasks than last week. Today we have to clean around the bottom of our toilets. So gross (especially since I’ve been molting copious amounts of hair in the past few months) and frightening. But I’ll do it flylady, I’ll do it!