5 Tips for a Peaceful Morning

We all know that mornings can be hard. Getting the kids ready for school without any fights is no easy task.  That’s why I’ve come up with 5 tips for a peaceful morning.  These are easy, sure-fire tools to get your kids off to school with no hassle, no whining and no blood.

1. Duct tape:  during breakfast, cut a small hole in the centre of a large piece of duct tape and place on the mouth of your child, you can then push a straw through the hole to their mouth. There are many choices of healthy blendered beverages that you can feed your children.  This dramatically reduces the amount of whining and fighting at the table.  Turn on music to drown out any residual muffled sounds.
2. Obtain a whistle: start having your children practice drills.  This comes in handy for getting dressed, brushing teeth, combing hair, and getting those shoes on.  The child who doesn’t move with haste will be given a number of push ups and disgusting chores to do.
3. The school monster:  This monster lives in the janitorial closet and loves to eat naughty children when no one is looking.  Try to tell this to your children in a story of your own words.  Try to make it as gory and scary as possible and remind your children of this monster when they begin to get out of line.
4. Squirt bottle: like cats and dogs, children will also be displeased with sprayed in the face with water, especially water containing high quantities of lemon.  This tactic can be used for any offense from burping to arguing.  If the child voices his/her displeasure in the water…resort to tip #1
5. If the children are being especially unruly, find yourself some earplugs and an airhorn.  Every time they speak out of line or disobey, blow the horn.  This will startle them back into obedience and bring your morning back to peaceful.

There you have it folks.  I wish you all the luck in your journey to having a peaceful morning with your children.

*disclaimer* for those of you who have no sense of sarcasm, please note that this entire  post was written sarcastically and these tips are not to be used on any living creature.  Please also note that I have no freaking clue how to have a peaceful morning because my children turn into whiny little jerks when it’s time to get ready for school.  I also apologize if this post brought up any painful childhood memories….