Transforming…

Well, day two of my crazy, wild, stubborn, perhaps idiotic quest for happy.  But hey, I know myself enough to know I’m an all or nothing kinda gal.  I need to do drastic things to get anywhere.  So I am 🙂

Food and exercise make a big difference when it comes to depression.  So I’m eating very healthy and very low fat right now.  Because feeling fabulous is also being at a healthy weight.  But, at 6am when I was jogging all I could think of was beating the s#!t out of this depression, not my waistline.  Studies have shown that exercise is just as beneficial as drugs when it comes to depression.  So I ran.  I think I ran…I was still half asleep.  Remind me to take my puffer tomorrow k?  That was a bit scary.

I’m exhausted though, but it’ll get better.  I’m feeling like fighting.  I have this stubborness that’s coming through.  I just don’t wanna be depressed anymore.

Talking to my dear friend Nancy the other night made me realize that it really is just plain old depression that hinders me.  I’m a VERY energetic person, I’m a fighter, I’m social, I like being busy.  That’s the real me…but depression makes me tired, unmotivated, antisocial, lazy…etc.  Not being vain, but I’ve realized I’m a good person, perhaps from people grinding it into my head, perhaps I actually like who I am.  I have big ideas and big dreams.  I’m tired of the depression stopping me.  So I guess I’mma stop it.

I don’t want to be 40 and just finding myself.  I want to feel like I’ve lead a full life, I don’t wanna spend it sitting on my arse and hating myself.  Ugh…so horrible.

So anyway, I’m enjoying my little diet thingy I’m on.  I like eating this way.  I’ve had lots of beans a rice.  Big bowls of fruit and yogurt and flax for breakfast, hard boiled eggs as snacks.  I just made a BIG pot of vegetarian chili.  I’m not missing sweets or junkfood or alcohol (yet ha ha).  I’m just SO looking forward to feeling better.  I’m REALLY looking forward to feeling fabulous on my birthday.  I need it.  I’m gunna buy a few new outfits and have a wild and crazy weekend in the city with my husband.  It’s going to be great fun.  I’m stoked.

Anyway, there’s some verbal vomit for yas.  Have a nice day!