Ugh, I don’t feel like I can even see straight today. Trying to drink lots of water, eat healthy and say no to that last glass of Sonoma Zin that I have on my counter.
I took Silas to the doctor today and then after talking about my son he did the usual “how are YOU feeling? What are you using for birth control?” thing he ALWAYS does. I told him I went off my antidepressants and I was doing alright.
I really couldn’t have chosen a worse time to go off them. Like…all hell broke loose after didn’t it? Cleo got attacked which meant we had MASSIVE money issues and then thought we were going to have the money issues resolved and then they didn’t and then they did again but it would mean Brent switching jobs which meant getting his old van back on the road and it meant all of us going to see the dentist before our coverage ran out which meant Ikey getting a filling and Brent getting his wisdom teeth taken out which meant Brent was VERY unhappy for all of last week. Holy run on sentence batman. In that time Brent also decided to quit smoking, our car is leaking coolant and our dishwasher has a towel under it because it’s spitting out water while it washes.
Now I’m planning a massive three day fundraiser for Silas, trying to get donations, trying to sell tickets. It’s going to be so much fun. I can’t tell you where it is because then all the stalker folks would know too much about me…creeps ruin it for everyone don’t they?
But I’m still off those drugs. Do I feel better? Nope. Not a bit. I kinda feel worse. I’m bitchier and I’m less patient with my children. BUT, I’m still not getting it together and doing the best thing for depression which is exercise. I have a bit…especially while teaching Isaac to ride his bike.
I’m still feeling electric shocks going through my body and I’m definitely crying a LOT easier than I have in a long time. Real feelings are…strong. But they’re real. I want to live in reality. I want my body to create it’s own dopamine. Exercise.
I’m still reading The Happiness Project and it’s inspiring. She’s very insightful. I’m making many mental notes of what REALLY makes me happy. What fulfills me? What energizes me?
One word comes to mind: Play
I love to play and I never play anymore. I’m a total goof off and the trials of life have sucked my playfulness away…no, I’ve let the trials of life take it away.
I love playing a game of Scrabble, I love playing lego, I love jumping on a trampoline and having a water fight. I love sports and I love laughing…I LOVE LAUGHING. I love wrestling with my husband….and no, not just the naked type.
I have a very fabulous auntie who is…however old…how old are you Ginny? She still plays and I love it. With what she’s been through, she could have had all the life sucked right out of her but she’s kept this amazingly playful spirit about her and I’m so inspired. It’s beautiful.
On Saturday I jumped on the trampoline and had a bit of a water fight with my kids. It was super fun. I felt revitalized.
I’ve got to figure out how to play on a regular basis. I think that Leah is still in there somewhere.
Am I alone when I say I love this? What do you play at? What makes you feel energized and happy?