Thursday Thirteen: 13 Beauty No-no’s

duck face

It’s been years since I’ve done a meme, this one is outdated but I think it’s time to bring it back.  Thursday Thirteen was always my FAVOURITE!

Here’s one out of left field.  Not many of you know that I am a trained beauty professional…well unless you actually know me.  So today I’m going to give you a list of 13 beauty no-no’s, stuff that I’ve noticed a lot of women do without realizing it.

Here we go.

  1. You shouldn’t be dying your own hair for many reasons, but if you simply must, here’s the biggest rule: boxed hair dye is cheap crap and the one thing it does, is it will layer itself on top of the last layer of home dye and get darker.  Notice yourself covering those greys and you realize that your ends are getting darker and darker and darker?  Ya I notice too.  ONLY dye your roots and the last few minutes, shampoo the colour into the rest of your hair to freshen up the colour without having red roots and black ends.
  2. When applying foundation, please remember that beauty doesn’t end at your jaw line.  AKA you need to take your foundation farther from that point and REALLY blend it.  The line at the jaw isn’t a good look.  Be conscious of it every single time you apply.  Every time.  Also, have someone from the store help you pick out the right colour for you.
  3. A hairstyle begins at the roots.  It’s like the foundation of your hairstyle.  If your roots are going one way, don’t expect the rest of your hair to go the opposite.  You want to lift and pull your roots in the direction you want your hair to go that day.
  4. Unless you’ve found some complete miracle cream eyeshadow that Jesus himself made, it’s going to collect in your eye folds and look wacky and greasy and funny and generally unpleasant.  Ignore the commercials, it’s not going to magically stay where it should.  If you want brilliant colours then get out of the drug store and get a brand like Avon or MAC.
  5. If you are getting someone to streak your hair and they put a cap on you and if your hair isn’t like exactly 3″ all over…you need to RUN!!!  If your hair is shorter you will get spotted like a leopard, if your hair is longer, it’s going to hurt and I’m gunna know it was a cheap job by the dots near your scalp.  It’s better not to streak your hair than to look like a 3 year old did your hair…just sayin.
  6. Just please be aware of what’s happening with your lipstick…if you’re going to wear it, be conscious, check it.  Please.
  7. Don’t go to a hairdresser expecting a miracle haircut, giving her this photo of glorious luxurious hair and then tell her you want wash and wear.  If you want your hair wash and wear AND to also look neat and tidy, just shave it right off.  If you’re not the 1% of genetically blessed people with perfect hair that will dry into a glorious mane of beauty…pull out your hairdryer and flat-iron and get to work.  If you want results anywhere in life, you need to do the work.

    Nice hair
    These fluffly locks took time and dedication - more time than it took a genius to stick that trigger in that unfortunate spot.
  8. I know money can be an issue and I know that some people just don’t care.  But if you do care, and you do want lovely, healthy locks you need to buy professional products.  I can smell your cheap shampoo on you, I can FEEL it the moment I put my hands in your hair.  I have this film on my fingers…that film is holding your hair back from being delightful.  If you have the means, then invest in something better quality.  I wont go into the science of it, there’s a science to it though.  Don’t believe the commercials, it’s not salon quality.  Also, how much Herbal Essences do you need to feel like your hair is conditioned??  A whole palm-full right?  When using a professional conditioner, you only need a small amount, it can actually be more economical if not equal price in the long run.
  9. There’s a pretty distinct line between nice looking eyelashes and eyelashes that look like you’ve dipped them in gum paste.  More isn’t better.  Natural is best.  You don’t want your lashes looking like there’s something on them.  Darker, curled and separated…this is your goal.  Unless your gene pool is that of the gods, you need an eyelash curler.
  10. Johnson’s baby shampoo, the nectar of Zeus himself, the pinnacle of gentle soap.  You slather your babies in this, some of you take a step to make this your shampoo too.  You think you’re doing what’s best.  Why would so many years of soft-focus happy baby commercials lie?  Well, because they want your money.  PH is important, “PH balance” isn’t a real scientific term.  For your skin and hair to remain healthy and happy, you need a PH of 4.5-5.5.  Johnson’s Baby Shampoo has a PH of around 9.  I could do a temporary perm on your hair with it.  It’s SO harsh.  This is part of the reason your baby had eczema and your daughter’s hair is JUST SO TANGLED!!  My recommendation: Arbonne baby products or DermaMed baby products.  Drug store baby products are also a big big big no no.
  11. If your hair is bothering you, go see a good hairdresser.  Please stop taking the scissors to your own hair.  Many hairdressers will charge more to fix it because you’ve messed it up and now you’re in a crisis.  We are actually taught in school to charge more at that time, taking advantage of your weakened, desperate state.
  12. It’s just a bad idea to put foundation over anything crusty.  The best thing is just to not pick your face…I know it’s hard.  I’m a picker.  But when you try to hide your crusty face with foundation, it’ll just look crustier.  People will be like “what’s that crusty thing she’s hiding????”.  Either embrace that you’re a picker and let it be known, or stop picking altogether.  You can’t hide a scab with only foundation…you need some fancy stage makeup for that endeavor.
  13. This is the hardest one but it’s a lesson I’ve learned from looking back on horrific photos of myself.  When you go to check yourself out in the mirror before you leave the house, you need to just let it all hang out the way you would when you’re not looking in a mirror.  You don’t always suck in so much, your posture isn’t that good.  For me my eyebrows aren’t raised so high and for lots….you’re not always making that duck face (thank GOD!).  This is a big learning curve for me but I’ve learned it could be the difference between having yourself be seen with a muffin top larger than what you’re comfortable with and wearing something that actually works.

duck faceWhen you can’t afford lip fillers there’s always DUCK LIPS!!!!!!!  They don’t make you look like a crazy person…not at all.  You’re sooooooo prrreeeeettttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

What’s your #1 beauty no no???

13 comments

  1. Gosh. These are great tips, esp. for someone like me, beauty challenged. Though I do wish you’d recommended some brand names of shampoo and conditioner. I need something unscented and it is incredibly difficult to find.

    1. That is really hard to find. I’m very scent sensitive myself but I have found good ones that work. You probably want to go to a health food store and find something there. DermaMed baby shampoo for sensitive skin is unscented.

  2. Dang, I just washed my hair with Johnson Baby Shampoo today. I need some serious conditioner tonight. Thanks for the beauty tips; I enjoyed reading them. I appreciate your visit to my blog today. Thank you.

    The Food Temptress

  3. This is garbage. U seem pretty good at picking ppl apart.
    ..”natural is best….you need an eyelash curler” yeah.. Cuz putting a metal contraption to ur eye in order to squeeze and pull ones lashes straight up… Yeah, that’s natural.
    You seem extremely shallow and vain and I wouldn’t ever wanna be around u cuz all you’d be doing is judging and criticizing what’s wrong with my face and hair…oh but with your “trained advice”.
    Trained beauty professional? I call bull shit.

    1. Ya I’ll probably be looking at your hair, because it was my job and it’s what I was trained for. Kinda like how a dentist would see your teeth and a personal trainer would see your stomach and a nail tech would check out your nails…etc. Next time you use an eyelash curler, pinch at the base and then lightly 1/4 of the way up and then 1/4 again and it will curl instead of sticking straight up!

      You’re welcome, my dear.

    2. PS I walked around all morning…in public…with no makeup and my hair a mess and second hand clothes on. You have no idea what you’re talking about calling me shallow and judgmental. I do believe you read my post wrong. This is my blog and I am allowed to use my own sense of humour and sarcasm. If you don’t like it then you don’t have to read it. I’d show you my credentials as a hairdresser but I do believe you’re just a troll and I shall not put any more energy to people who spread hate.

  4. I really enjoyed this blog…I’m putting a little pre-teen 101 together for my daughter is how I stumbled along your info, thanks. 🙂

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