A Disaster A Day Keeps My Psychiatrist Well Paid

Ok, so I don’t have a psychiatrist but I think I should get one now. It seems as though the disaster gods are striking at me.

Silas came downstairs yesterday looking like this. At first glance, I thought he had somehow gotten into my mousse but upon further inspection it seemed as though he was playing hairdresser with the tin of Penaten. I think he thought he did a very good job because of the look on his face in this photo. A big thank you to the makers of Penaten for packaging their bum cream the same as hair wax is packaged.

I did a quick review in my mind about what I knew of Penaten. This stuff is sticky and it’s made to resist water for long periods of time. I knew this called for a shower and mass amounts of soap.

Forgetting that it would sting his eyes, I tried my shampoo first and then the screaming started. Oops. It wasn’t working anyway, as you can plainly see ->

Not knowing what to do, I called my Sister in law Leanne, she didn’t answer so I called my MIL. I was actually near tears, threatening to shave his head if I had to. She talked me out of it and suggested oil, something that had also crossed my mind because I know it cuts through wax.

Upon hanging up I ran downstairs to grab my bottle of canola oil. It worked like a dream, getting out all of the Penaten and leaving the child with a nice, oily sheen for the remainder of the day.

I’m glad I had the head on me to snap some photos to further your amusement of my disaster.

Anyway, seeing that was YESTERDAY and I seem to be having (almost) daily disasters I should now educate you on this morning’s happenings.

Silas seems to enjoy copying Isaac. Being of a similar personality type to me, I know how he feels the need to go over and above on the “out doing the brother” challenge. To the point of obnoxiousness, or disaster.

This morning I was happily sleeping away, enjoying that my children were sleeping in. Completely oblivious to what was happening in the room beside me.

I finally heard Silas crying for me so I groggily went to his room to scoop him up and bring him to bed with me for our usual snuggle time. Once I opened the door a wall of stench hit me like a ton of bricks. Gosh I hate a poopy bum first thing in the morning. My kids sure enjoy greeting me with them though.

As I was approaching my child I was noticing some weird things about his appearance. Brown marks on his face and hands. My brain was so fuzzy so I began to blink in order to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was actually seeing. Arriving at the bed I saw the full extent of what had happened. Diaper too full of pee. No place for watery, chunky fecal matter to go but down his leg onto the actual bed itself. A partially dried pool of chunks and wateriness that had settled into the sheets and mattress pad. Curious toddler finger prints all over the place. Little balls of hard poo under and over all bedding. Disinfect…MUST DISINFECT!!

Clothing off, diaper placed onto bed, toddler in shower to begin to soak off the dried crusties (yes this had been going on long enough for things to start drying). Now I had to clean up the mess. I got most of the chunks up and into a plastic bag. I was thankful that my washing machine was near me and empty, getting rid of one more step in the process. Isaac began crying…oh great. Everything into the washing machine save the stuffed animals and silk duvet (no he doesn’t sleep on silk, the duvet is filled with silk…hypoallergenic and dust mite free…woot). Those are next. In the back of my mind I was wondering what this had been like if Silas had already been in a toddler bed, able to roam free through the house. I shuddered at the thought.

The bedding is just finishing it’s second heavy wash cycle on hot with lots of soap and non-chlorine bleach (man I love that stuff). Lets hope everything comes out clean with no residual poo scents. A hard goal when one uses unscented washing soap.

Now, the thought did occur to me to take photographic evidence of this event but I thought, who on Earth wants to see this mess? It needed to be forgotten, not shown to the masses. But you surely know a true blogger when something like that is going on and I’m already writing the blog post in my head. Makes for a great blog but a crappy (no pun intended) morning.

Now, my thoughts go to how this all started and how long it was going on for. Some things were dry. There were bits rolling all about the bed. All through his smushy (his comfort blanket), all under his duvet. In every place imaginable. Did he poo in his sleep? Did he feel the poo running down his leg? Did he eat any? Did any get in his ears? Was it fun to play in? How long was he playing in it? This is making me want to brush my teeth again. Perhaps this is one of those mommy moments where we just don’t want to know. Like when he tries a cigarette or “things” that comes with puberty. We just don’t want to know. Yes, I think this is one of those times.

Tune in tomorrow for photos and a recap of our first night in the toddler bed that we purchased off craigslist last night. He sure went out of his crib sleep career with a bang. And thank you for those that took me up on my challenge yesterday. I paid the difference of the toddler bed to an adoption fund for this couple who’s adopting.