Almost Done!!

My heart is sad today.  Another person from my high school has died.  It’s crazy but it keeps happening.  The people who die seem to be getting closer and closer to me.  Jamie was someone who was a fairly good friend in Jr. High.  We all went through his first case of cancer with him to which he lost an eye.  He was cancer free for so many years but very recently it showed up in his liver, spread like a wildfire, and he died yesterday in the car with his family and fiance.  He just…went I guess.  I don’t even know the count now…Courtenay might know.  From my grad class alone there’s been at least three but then another five or six people that I was in school with.  It seems as though we always have ties to their family because of the small town I come from.

If you’re from BC you’ll know of the girl who got stuck in the houseboat that capsized a few years back.  And the two guys this Christmas who died in the avalanche while they were snowboarding near 100 Mile.  That was on the news too.  One of my mom’s best friends lost her daughter in a car accident.  A few more were lost in car accidents too.

Death is just a strange thing.  Anyway, my heart goes out to Jamie’s family and close friends…what a nightmare to lose a child, a brother, a fiance.  I just can’t imagine the pain involved.  I really hope that this is the end of all the young people dying all over the place.  Our town is too small to keep losing so many young people.

On a brighter note, today is my last day drinking this concoction.  That makes me happy.  I thought I’d be out of my supplies tomorrow but I’m really not at all but now that I had my heart set on day 10 being orange juice day, it’d be agony to do anything different.  I’m really ready to eat real food now.  Really ready.

It seems like that laxative tea is working faster and faster and giving me more cramps each morning.  Funny how I’m still “eliminating” things.  Strange things…orange things.  Things that float and things that sink.  This has been a strange process.

Eating seems like such a strange thing to me.  You realize while on this cleanse how fine you can feel with hardly eating anything at all.  The maple syrup and lemon juice give you plenty of calories and nutrients.  Not that you should live off that forever but that drinks main purpose is for just that, calories and nutrients.  And the lemon helps break up mucous which you get to see during your “elimination”.  Anyway, I sure eat a lot more food than I need to.  Food is just so yummy though!!

I’m excited to try and work on eating smaller portion sizes.  I think this is a good thing to do before attempting smaller portions because I’m sure I’ll feel full really quickly after starting back on solids.  I’m getting close to my half way goal point and right now I have  7 pounds to go.  If I gain anything back after this then I’ll have more to go.  I really need to keep focused to reach my goal.

On a very happy note, I put on my pre-ikey jeans and did them up and they only felt tight in the thighs…which stretch out pretty good in those jeans.  Looks like I have a new pair of jeans to wear!  They were getting too big for me at one point but we’ll get there soon.  I’m so ready to feel good about my weight again!!

I understand that’s a really relative thing for people.  I grew up being a fairly skinny girl, not a girl who’s thighs don’t rub together or who has no booty, I’ve always had those things.  But I’m very much not used to grabbing an XL of the shelf, I’m used to grabbing an XS so when I was an XL I learned a lot more empathy for people who struggle with weight.  A lot of us have our weight battles, just in different proportions.  My “fat” might be another persons’ ideal weight and that’s great, I just am trying to say that I don’t think everyone needs to be 130 to be happy.  It’s just what I’m used to and what feels right and healthy for me.

I cut out my next Zaza Bag.  Here’s the bundle of fabric…does it excite you like it excites me??  I found that B&W fabric (hounds tooth) from Value Village…it’s amazing.