I had to pull out all my super mommy stops today to get Silas to school. He’s been saying he doesn’t want to go and now it’s getting into melt down mode. I don’t blame him. He’s with a new teacher and some new kids. Now he has to sit at a desk and do more work etc etc etc.
It amounted to me holding him in our car outside his school and listening to music for a while until he calmed down…which he did. Phew.
When he gets home he goes straight for a car, lays down on the floor and drives it back and forth, moving his torso with it so he can watch the tires at all times.
Some parents try to discourage stimming. I don’t. Silas doesn’t do it at all times and when he does, I sure know he needs to. We all have our way of calming down and if he needs to stare at some tires for 45 minutes to wind down for the day, then so be it!!! Of course there’s kids with autism who stim all day, that’s a different story!! Blessings to you parents that are trying to reach inside that world and show your child the beauty of ours.
I’m having brain fog….
Ok so….here’s my thing. I’d love for you more experienced spectrum parents to school me on ideas on how to cope with the before and after school problems. The stimming is ok. What bothers me is that he’s HAVING to cope. Does that just go away after a while? Will he settle in?
Before school: what should I be doing to make the transition easier? I’m not really a fan of melt downs as we are getting out of the door. We typically have a melt down about 90% of the time as we go out the door to any place. I’m realizing this is a point of tension with my children. We all get frustrated.
I wonder, also, if part of the problem was there was no sensory this morning. He usually crawls into bed with me in the morning for a very long cuddle. Cuddles are his #1 sensory choice and they always have been. Very counter-autism in some ways but it’s just what he likes to do. I thought it was cute because I heard them chatting in their room about something this morning, then the pitter patter of feet to my room. I was waiting for him to climb into bed but the feet went out of my room and told Ikey “It’s 6:30!! we have time to play!!”. Off they went.
Anyway. I want to make this easy on him. It’s not easy for either of us to be gone from each other for so long. He’s still so little to me.
Ideas folks!! Ideas!!!!
How long is the commute to his school? Does he understand things when you explain it with every single detail? I give Jacob something to look forward to after school (something he doesn’t get to do very often that he loooooves to do when given the opportunity) and tell him “first we do …… then when you get home we’ll …….” and it seems to make the transition easier. It took a lot of patience and shattered nerves but it works. Also have you tried having him create his own schedule for after school? We’re big on the token system here too and it seems to play a big part in making transition easier too. Melissa & Doug make an amazing responsibility chart that’s easy to understand a new routine too.
His commute is about 7 minutes 🙂 Aren’t first and then’s the BOMB?? Thanks for your input Mel xx
For us, transition into a new routine usually takes 12 weeks to fully accomplish (and by fully accomplish I mean that the transition looks the same every time… so not always good, not always bad, sometimes pretty much typical). Give yourself a good, long time frame to work from… it keeps my own stress level lowered that way.
Ya, you’re right! It will totally take time.
Kristin (above) mentioned lengthening the time frame – in other words expecting that there will be a period of adjustment. I agree.. and would also like to add another perspective on time…
In the summer I notice that people don’t worry about their kids getting ready – but that somehow (at least most days) they end up dressed and doing some stuff. I think the biggest thing you can do to help your child start the day on a more positive note is to take the stress of the limited time element away – or at least lessen it. This is easy to do – but admittedly somewhat painful… get up earlier so you have more time. Everyone will be likely be less stressed.
It sounds like I am being cheeky – but I’m not! It can make a huge difference to you and your child.
The other Leah
(PS. Love LOVE your blog!)
Thanks Leah. You’re right. I should get up earlier. I really should. Take things slowly. Thanks again and I’m so happy you love my blog 🙂
Routine routine routine. I know it’s not u, but he’ll thrive on it. And the getting up earlier thing will help, too (says she who presses snooze 4 times).