Have a Happy Period? Shut Your Face!

I have the music blaring so I don’t have to hear my boys play fight.  I don’t wanna hear the “STOPPP IT”……”giggle giggle giggle”….”STOP STOP”…”hahahahahahahahaha”.  I can’t tell when they’re actually mad or what the heck is going on.  I need a basement…with padding, sound proofing and a lock.

I’m all anxiety ridden right now.  I hate lady time.  Men don’t get it.  I wonder how rational they would be if they had this many hormones coursing through their veins, and the feeling like there’s  soggy loaf of bread in their stomach…oh and the cramps…THE CRAMPS. 

Crying child coming up the stairs.

When will they realize that this ALWAYS happens when they play rough?

Where was I?  Oh yes…bleeding.

Can we just get shipped away to a nice hotel with red wine that flows from the taps and walls made out of chocolate?  We need it every month.  We really do.  A place where we can wear baggy clothes all day and watch feel good movies and cry into our Nutella sandwiches.  We’d have our own beds and get to sleep in as late as we want to.  The only whining we would hear is our own and we would do it, A LOT!  Oh yes and the room service man would be very handsome and built and he would wear a loincloth.  A small one.

I’m sure all of us women could make this happen.  We could all petition government and take shifts when we start PMSing.  Who’d want to say no to an army of angry, bloated women? No one.  We should do it.

Ok I’m going to go lay down and watch Ellen and think about making supper and how much I don’t want to do it.  Then I’m going to go raid the cupboards for some scraps of chocolate…even baking chocolate works in a pinch…cocoa and sugar and butter mixed together??  Something…

**UPDATE** instead I went outside and got some sun and chatted with some lovely ladies and I feel much better.

 

4 comments

  1. Oh I do remember those feelings. But Leah hold on because menopause is a whole new beginning of anxiety! My doctor said one day Debbie you will miss your period so be careful what you wish for….thought she was full of crap………….NOT!! The night sweats, day sweats, forgetfulness, mustache, sagging face, boobs, ass and arms! Oh yes, those cramps maybe awful but tylenol will help for the day…..yes you need the once a month wardrobe change and lots of sweets but oh my I wish for that again. Yes I can work out and tighten it all up – do I have the stamina NO 🙂

    Good reading so keep it all up.

  2. I was with you up until the loin cloths. They need to be in scrubs and all be registered massage therapists.

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