First off, thanks everyone for all the support. It’s been shocking to see how loving everyone is being towards our family.
SO many thoughts going through my mind today. Wondering what my future looks like. What things am I going to have to do that are completely out of my character?? I know for Silas to thrive I’m going to have to turn into superwoman. I’ll be told my house will have to stay tidier and that everything needs to get organized. I’m going to have to spend countless hours with him, playing, teaching, working on things through play.
I’m ok with it. Yes I’m distraught because I’m human, I’d prefer to keep things the same, to at least hold onto a bit of my selfish nature. But I’m going to do anything and EVERYTHING for my child. Everything.
I’m picturing appointments, loads of one on one time, all toys organized in containers, a clean house, changing his room around to make it work for him, a gluten and cassien free diet, Etc.
Interesting how this all panned out though. Did God put this new job into place for us?? No stress for Brent, medical benefits, no over-time, more money for us. Seems like that happened for a reason and I’m seriously, not big into “everything happens for a reason”. I’ll get into that on my Christian blog one day.
One thing I do believe is that I was trusted enough to be given this boy. I know he’s special. I know he’s going to be alright. He’s not nearly as bad as Jenny McCarthy’s son and her son is rather “typical” now.
Not that I need my kids to be typical by any means. I just want Silas to be HIMSELF. I want Isaac to be HIMSELF. I want them to know who they are. I don’t want Silas’ personality to be hidden behind this…what is it?? Disease?? ooo I don’t like that word.
I’m going back and forth from positive and negative feelings. Autism these days is being seen as a gift. Children with autism that is being treated are wonderful kids I’ve heard. Jill is helping with the positive side. I told her I had bad news and she said “or challenging news?” and she said “congrats” to me because I’m lucky to have a child with such a gift.
I admit to having another reason to despair. Brent and I have been semi “planning” to make another delicious baby for us to chew on, wanting to get pregnant perhaps next august. Will we be able to now? I’m scared to bring another Kid with Autism, peanut allergies and asthma into the world. Perhaps bringing a new baby in will make it harder for Silas to continue to recover. I really want another baby 🙁
A lot of my sadness is coming from my own selfishness. Which, I think, is perfectly fine.
I’ll tell you more about our appointment.
Our doctor is lovely. I asked Yvonne which one she likes best and I he happened to be a specialist for autism so it was perfect. He’s a very warm person. He asked me what I wanted to talk about and I didn’t say the “a” word. I told him Silas’ symptoms like not going through the pointing phase and still not understanding pointing. How Silas spins the wheels on cars and lines up his blocks. Never using a toy for it’s purpose. He finally made me say the “a” word and told me that Silas needs a label to get help.
He began to point out other things in Silas that he saw. Silas didn’t even acknowledge the dr was even there. He said typical kids would be at least checking him out from the corner of their eye and feeling him out. But Silas didn’t look at him nor show that he knew he was in the room. I told him he’s usually really friendly and he said “ya, excessively friendly?? in their personal space?”….yes. Silas spilled out all the lego the dr. had and began to line it all up. I also mentioned that Isaac seems to be passing Silas in some areas already
The dr asked so many questions all of which I had to say yes to. Other than the fact that he’s a snuggler…but he’s an excessive cuddler, needing very close cuddles for sometimes very long periods of time. It’s gone away a bit, it used to be hours of snuggling but it’s going down.
He noticed when Silas asked a for something Silas would say “do you want a cracker?” instead of saying “I want a cracker”. He doesn’t know what you, me, I, he, she, we mean. He just repeats questions I’ve asked him in the past. When I ask him to ask nicely he says “say please” instead of just saying “please”. His language has hardly progressed over the past year. Yes it has moved forward but SO slowly. He is putting a few of his own sentences together but usually is just repeating what he’s heard me say. I thought by three he’d be able to talk SO MUCH MORE. It’s been frustrating for me to see how far behind he is. Like I’ve been doing something wrong.
The dr was very kind. He told me that Silas now has everything available to him that he needs. Infant and child development will make a house call soon and we’ll figure out what therapy he needs. I wanted that from the beginning. If we could get into the system then any therapy would be free to us and we wont have to wait 2 years to get him into it. We’re in baby and I’m stoked about that. I’ll be interested to see what it all entails.
I’m glad Silas’ birthday is coming soon, I have a feeling we’ll be needing specific toys for him amongst other things I’m sure. I almost feel like we should move to a house that’s more open and has a play room that we can make into a therapy room for him. Oh how I wish we had loads of money.
So my Silas, we’re we go.
PS please view Silas as having autism…not as autistic. Doesn’t it sound better?