It could be my fault that yesterday’s blog didn’t read like I was hoping it to. Perhaps my sarcasm was too strong and you couldn’t see that my point was simply this: “I struggle to feel like a woman because that sense of mothering people by serving and constantly giving isn’t within me. It is a constant struggle”. I did not say I never do anything for anyone. That’s totally wacky and I would have myself committed.
My goal on this blog has always been the same. Doesn’t matter what the topic is, I’m going to be brutally honest about it and just put it out there. This isn’t the blog to come to if you like seeing an avatar of an incredibly skinny, perfectly pink woman cleaning her house. You’re not going to find recipes and little crafts to make every day with your perfect little children and you most definitely will RARELY find something to put on Pinterest. I’m. Not. That. Person. I’m not going to pretend to be that person. And there’s no WAY I would ever try to pretend to BE that person.
I feel like there’s a very very very easy way to make yourself look like this perfect domestic housewife and mother and it’s through blogging. I’ve always been against it. You’re never going to wonder “how does she do it all?” because I’m never going to pretend that I do it all. Because I don’t do it all. Because I have some issues and because…I’m actually a real person and not a fabricated pretend person. And also because I don’t think it’s actually healthy for your children and your family and yourself to BE the woman who does it all. Why do we glorify that?
I have a WACKY feeling that I’m not the only person out there with issues. I actually have a feeling that most people do. I was actually blessed with this weird wiring where I’ve NEVER felt like I needed to fake or hide or change just to make people like me. I actually can’t. It wouldn’t occur to me to ever even give it a shot. It makes me honest. I don’t lie unless I really need to save myself from something terrible. It’s just not in me. I am blatantly honest in my thoughts, my actions, my words, my smiles, my expressions. Everywhere. (In a kind way).
If I don’t love you, I wont say it. If I don’t think your baby is cute, I actually won’t tell you they’re cute. If I hate your outfit, I’ll never say I like it. If I don’t feel like smiling, I won’t fake one. If I’m feeling like shit, I’ll look like I’m feeling like shit. (That doesn’t mean I will tell you I hate your outfit…if you ask…I’ll nicely tell you it’s not my favourite.) If I do like something you BET YOUR BOOTS I will compliment you to the moon and back. Because I can’t keep it in. I LOVE complimenting people. But you know, from me, it’ll ALWAYS be honest. ALWAYS.
I know this isn’t the norm and I feel like it’s a gift. I feel like I can go ahead and just be honest for the people out there who can’t. So I’ll just tell it like it is and I KNOW that there’s people out there who read it and relate and feel better and get some more confidence within themselves. It feels GOOD to relate to other humans.
So if you don’t like it. If you only want to find ways to fit in and keep up with the Jones’ then this is the wrong place to look. This is not a place to learn to become a domestic goddess or WHATEVER (Yes you will find occasional recipes, blogs about my garden, new ideas I’ve come up with but there will all be here because it’s part of who I am…not part of who you want me to be.). If you feel like judging me then go right ahead because we all know that goes into your karma bank and not mine. If you don’t like it, there’s about a million mommy blogs out there that will teach you all the things you’re missing here. So go to them.
How refreshing!
Nice dose of honesty. I know those people who have these shiny pristine blogs who look like they have it all together. (finger down my throat- akkkk) no thanks. I dont need someone to make me feel less than a woman but rather let me know I am not alone.
That reminds me I need a shower.
Thanks for a great read.
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Thank you!! I need a shower too. Yikes. Off I go.
The Informal Matriarch recently posted..I’m Gunna Say It Like It Is
Mmmm, I’m very confused but want to say…this…I feel that there are a lot of people who have faults, bad days, messy houses, dirty armpits etc. Most of us do. Those people/bloggers are no less deserving of a non-judgmental platform. Some people are not choosing to NOT tell you about those things because they want to convey perfection or some ideal, but they just don’t feel the need to express them on said platform. They choose to highlight their accomplishments or humor or crafts or whatever in a way that suits them. I got your post, because I know you, and I understand why others took it the way they did. It is difficult to hear someone describe themselves while at the same time make it sound like they’re putting others down. Also, because so many woman are just getting shit done they don’t even think of it as “servitude.” Just doing what needs done and trying to balance their lives the best they can.
I was just describing who I am and what my blog was about. In no way, shape, or form do I expect anyone to be like me. I never said the way I am is the way everyone should be. I never said I am without fault. I was being descriptive NOT prescriptive.
I welcome anyone who just doesn’t “get” it to move on and not read anymore. Family or not.
You shouldn’t have to defend yourself on your blog, it infuriates me when I see posts like this because I know it means some fucking trollish bitch has come by and given you some shit. if these haters want to come here and cast judgment on you, it’s clearly because they have no lives of their own and it makes them feel better about themselves to try to make you feel small. You live your life how you want it! And you write about yourself in any way you want to. You don’t have to justify your choices to some random, fucked up, trollish internet stranger. <3 Fuck the haters, sister!
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I can relate to where you are coming from because I do the exact same thing as you do. I don’t “serve” my husband either, I don’t make his breakfasts or lunches. The only thing I make is dinner. I don’t clean up his laundry or pick up his clothes, I’m not his mother or his maid, I’m his wife and his partner.
You shouldn’t have to defend yourself on a public forum where your words are made public for the world to see and you share your innermost thoughts and feelings and opinions? Not only am I not a “trollish bitch” I am a strong woman with a heavy dose of true feminism ideals who has an opinion. Just like the writer of this blog. Isn’t expressing opinion what this is all about? I spoke about how the words came across; I didn’t attack the person. I made it clear I could understand the feelings of both writers.
If you were not referring to me, then no harm done (to me). If you were, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Name calling and rudeness are part of what makes it harder for women to express themselves and be taken seriously.
Hmmm. I DO make most of my husbands breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I don’t see it as “SERVING”. I see it as being a part of a team that works together very well. He appreciates it, says thank you and does a huge part as well in the details of our life.
Don’t get me wrong – I DO know what it is like to do those things (ex) for someone who expected it and didn’t appreciate it. That takes it’s toll on ones self esteem and sense of self.
I’ve refreshingly dropped the labels we tend to attach to routine and necessary tasks we all face every day.