Make Your Own Damn Sammich

Women are the kind of people who put themselves last.  They take care of everyone else and not themselves.  They’re nurturers.  They take care of their husbands, wanting to not actually “serve” them so much (well…in this generation…I think..maybe they do) but care for them.  Cook and clean and provide in a way men kind of need.  They have this innate need to do things for other people.  Always being of service to others.

I don’t think I’m a woman.

That’s how women, wives, mothers are always…described?  I’m soooooooo not like that.  I don’t put myself last…probably to a fault.  I don’t feel a need to take care of a man.  It isn’t in me to want to be like that…at all.

Am I actually a woman?

Or are the stereotypes out there to make people like me feel bad about myself?  Feel less womanly?  Are there other women out there who struggle to fit that mold as much as I do?  I feel like I would be a better wife/mother if I had the DNA for that.

But dudes…make your own damn sammich.  Seriously.

Kids.  If you can do it yourself then DO IT YOURSELF!  I am no slave.  Pour your own frickin juice.  I’ll clean up your spills or give you a cloth.  I’ll guide you through but I’m not going to baby you until you’re 20 and you can’t cook or fold laundry or make adult decisions.

I don’t think I could ever be married to a man who would expect me to serve him.  I’d be the worst.  He would most definitely beat me and me being me would beat him right back and then leave his ass and find a man who can make his own damn sammich.

It’s a bit funny because my husband’s “love language” or way he expressed his love is through acts of service.  Mine is through affection and words.  He happens to love me very much and he’ll serve his adorable butt off.  I know it speaks to him when I do it back – usually it just throws him off like “you’re actually MAKING me a sammich?  Don’t worry hun…let me do it instead.”

Are there other woman out there who don’t have this innate sense of servitude?  Almost the polar opposite of servitude without actually having a personality disorder?  I have all the anatomy…so can I still be a woman please?

Next week. People with female genitalia who have hardly any innate sense of being domestic short of having a personality disorder.  Are they women?




  1. I would agree with this if it was someone that had a husband that never helped out with the house or kids. If that were the case, then yea, by all means you would be considered a slave. But if you have a husband that does everything that you ask and more, than making him a sandwich is the least you an do show how much you appreciate him. It’s not about being a slave, or a woman. It’s simply a wife that shows love and appreciation for her partner.

    1. I didn’t post this as making a point for someone to agree with. I was just expressing how I am innately. Of course I DO things for my husband and children. It’s just not something that I thrive on or derive value from at all. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I was also being sarcastic on society’s views on women and how we don’t ALL fit the mold.
      The Informal Matriarch recently posted..Make Your Own Damn SammichMy Profile

  2. Wow, I just happen to come across your blog and I am a little embarrassed for you and your husband. I understand the point you were trying to make and that not everyone has the love language of service, i have read the book, and if I’m not mistaken the book is about learning others love languages so that you can do things in your partners love language so they can fill up their love bank. so with the attitude you have you are pretty much telling your husband well too bad hun, don’t care enough about ya to try and give you love in the way you understand.
    More so, does it hurt to do something for someone else just because it’s nice? making a meal or getting your partner a drink is not being a slave, unless they are demanding it obviously. I guess what struck me the most about this post is how selfish it came across, it almost comes across as well this is who I am so deal with it or leave, heaven forbid you try to go out of your zone and serve someone else, hey you might even find it somewhat rewarding to see the joy you bring to others around you.
    Also have you thought about how having this attitude affects your children?
    I’m sorry for your husband, also what if your husband stopped showing you affection or telling you he loved you? and told you to give yourself a damn hug. Not sure that would go over to well.
    oh and if i was your friend i would be sure to never ask you for anything as I would know you don’t really care and would rather be sitting on the couch.
    Maybe you should re read your post and see how it comes across.

    1. Bella,

      If you just happened to come by my blog and skim the content of this post and not REALLY absorb what I was saying. I can see you could place that judgment on me. If you read my previous comment to Kristy perhaps you will be a bit more enlightened.

      You can go ahead and be embarrassed for me (aka be judgmental). I’m not actually that terrible. I do tend to be sarcastic and expressive with my language. If you don’t know me well, I can see how you wouldn’t get it. The “Make your own damn sammich” thing was spoken for shock value. I’m not an asshole.

      If you were my friend and asked me to do something for you there’s no way on earth I would say no. It doesn’t come naturally to me to just help help help but as long as I can help and I am asked to help then I will. I’m not going to give you expamples of where I am generous in my life because I don’t think it’s something to brag about.

      My goal on this blog is brutal honesty. There’s people with these feelings inside and they DO feel less like a woman because they’re not wired the same way as others. My goal is to make everyone who’s NOT wired as society says we should be feel like they have someone out there who understands. People who can’t handle that should not read.

  3. christ, people, lighten up would you? i hate judgy bitches who think they need to tell other people how to live their lives. personally i also don’t subscribe to the “marriage as servitude” theory but CLEARLY there are at least two other women in the world who do

  4. Jillsmo
    I find it funny what you said. You said you didn’t like judgy bitched, and in the same sentence turned around an insulted 2 people for seeing it a little different. Practice what you preach, and don’t call woman bitches, it only makes you look small

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