Missing Music

I’m missing this a lot right now

That was taken at a talent show back in my Bible College days. We won. The other singer’s name is Mark and Stacy was on the piano, although I originally sung that song with a guy named Aaron. (Apparently I always lick my lips like a madwoman when I perform…no one ever told me…mom said she was too scared to ha ha.) It’s almost a lucky song of mine. I’ve won awards for it as well as getting a few wedding gigs with Aaron out of the whole deal. I miss performing all tooooo much. It used to be my life. The spring of grade 12 I was getting 14 songs ready for the music festival, practicing for a musical (Guys and Dolls), involved in 2 choirs, practicing extra hours with my jazz choir for our trip to Cuba, taking guitar lessons, two vocal teachers a week, band class, worship team and piano lessons. I miss it all soo much.

Since then I haven’t been AS involved. My first year of college was kind of a year off aside from writing tons of songs and doing a few performances. My second year I started getting really active again. I lead worship at a youth group, was in a choir that got to tour Germany and BC. I was in singing, piano and guitar lessons. It all kinda fell apart though (other than choir) because I got so stinking depressed. I played a gig at the college with my own songs and guitar. After that gig I lost all confidence in myself as a songwriter and guitar player. I pretty much haven’t picked up my guitar since. The person who booked me didn’t say anything to me afterwards about how I did. I let that get to me SO badly that I haven’t done it again. I got some other weird comments too so I just thought “screw it”. Even though I sang the same set at UBC as an opener to someone who’s now a signed artist and the people liked me better :). I shouldn’t have let it get to me. I’m now on year 5 of a writers block.

I did continue to sing at church which really really helped me at finding harmonies, I’m now the person who has to sing the boring harmony because other people can’t find it…no not always. I got to sing with Brian Doerksen a few times too which was rather exciting (even though he glared at me once). I really like singing at church. I’ll start at it again soon, I’m just not up for it yet.

The last place I sang at was Brent’s church for the candlelight service when we were there for xmas, it was really fun to sing with Colin, Leanne and Brent. I felt so at home on the stage. So proud that I married into a talented family. It just reminded of how much I love performing. I love playing with the audience, trying to pull at their heart strings as much as possible. I’d always try and make everyone not know when to clap at the end of a song by holding onto my posture and intensity. It was my little game. The stage really feels like a home to me.

I’m really hoping to get singing again. I really hope Leanne and I book some weddings this summer. We’ve been wanting to play more together. She’s an amazing pianist and I’m just dying to bring my music books to her house and sing a bunch of my old favorites. I really do love having this new family that is musical. It’s fantastic.

I’m waiting for the silly video to finish uploading onto you tube. Dooot deee dooooooo.