Not Giving Up!

I am trying really hard to get my body back into shape.  My weight had crept up the last few years.  I’m not sure exactly what happened here though.

About three years ago I decided to eat breakfast every day instead of just drinking coffee.  Because then I hardly ate anything all day.  So since then I’ve eaten breakfast.  That year I gained 10 lbs.  Then I figured out a way to stop eating my emotions and I stopped emotional eating resulting in a gain of 10 pounds.  I also stopped snacking after supper like a crazy person.  No longer do I consume half a jar of nutella or half a bag of chips or whatever else I used to get my snacky little hands on.  Another 10 lbs gained.

A few years ago I decided to really clean myself out so I went into a super clean eating stage, consuming mostly fruits and vegetables in their raw state.  I did it for months.  I lost no pounds.  I’ve since done other cleanses where you’re really just eating very clean – no pounds lost.  I would start trying to change my diet and exercising.  No pounds lost.  I blamed it on the fact that I have trouble with my “elimination” when I’m not eating junkier.  But this time that’s not a problem for me….no pounds lost.

Once upon a time I was this girl who could do weight watchers for a week and lose 10 lbs.  I went off milk once and I lost 10 lbs that week too.  All I would need to do to get a 6 pack is get the stomach flu.

So now I have this new body that like holding on to the fat that’s in it.  I’ve often just gotten fed up because I can eat a ton of crap for a week and stay this weight or I can eat really healthy and exercise and not drop the weight.  But I’m very much bent on not giving up this time.  And I haven’t.

I’m trying new things.  I’m doing the annoying task of keeping a food diary so I know exactly what I am eating.  My Fitness Pal is super nice for that.  I’m still getting exercise almost daily.  I’ve given up alcohol – like no more for a long time.  With this new body the one thing that I gave up that made a difference was alcohol.  I gave it up for Lent once and in those 40 days I lost 10 lbs.  So hoping that does the trick for me to get things coming off.

Anyway.  I’m proud of myself to sticking to the exercise.  I’m enjoying feeling sore the next day.  I like that things that wore me out before are now easier for me to do.  I wish I still had that spunk I had when I was 21 and going for a walk would energize me for the entire day.  It actually gives me no more energy than I would have had before.  Which…well…I’m going to see my dr.  That seems weird.  Or is that a 30 thing?  My focus isn’t just on losing my back boobs (which have become more prominent than the front ones), I really want to feel healthy and strong.  I want my energy and stamina back.  I also want to look appropriate in a bikini again.  I don’t even have to look sexy but I would like to be able to wear one.  There’s more I want.  I do want to look strong, I want you to not be able to see my butt dimples through my yoga pants.  I want to be able to flex my arms and see muscles.  I want to be able to wear jeans without a muffin top so I can wear tops I really like and not just the ones that hide the muffin.  But that just all comes down to me feeling amazing.  I don’t care what I weigh…I want to start feeling amazing again.

So here’s to feeling amazing in my 30’s.