The End of an Era

Dear Isaac,

I write this letter to you with mixed emotions.  Today is our very last day of nursing.  It makes me sad to say that but when I think about nursing you for even one more week, I know that it’s time to stop.

I hate doing this to you because you don’t know what’s going on.  You don’t know that tonight is the very last night you’ll have that comfort from me and that breaks my heart.  I feel so guilty but I know in my heart that this is the best thing.

Funny how I feel so guilty.  I fought SO hard to keep nursing you.  You and I cried and fought and fought for five whole months.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  Once you finally calmed down, you’d nurse for two hours sometimes.  I’ve really done my share of the work.  I fought for this and succeeded yet I still feel bad about stopping.

It was easier with your brother, you were coming in two months and he weaned himself.  I knew I’d have you to nurse and I knew he was ready to stop.  Now it’s more me being ready than you.

There are two things that make this easier.  One is the fact that you’ve gotten so strong and you pull on my face and my hair, you dig your little fingers into my mouth and my nose and it drives me batty.  You’re also nursing with your top teeth and the pain is unbearable.  Secondly I’m craving freedom!!  I’ve been either pregnant or nursing since February 2005!!  That’s 3 years and 4 months my darling.  I’ve been producing milk for three years.  I just want my body back already.  It’s time.

My darling, I’m going to miss this so much.  I love watching your darling face as you nurse.  I love being so close to you, it’s the only time you’ll cuddle with me.  I love making you smile while you’re trying to suck, you break the seal but your little sucker is still going while you smile.  Usually milk starts dripping out the corner of your mouth, so adorable.

It’s hard to think that tonight might be my last nursing session ever.  I’m only 25 and am I really done nursing for ever?  Part of me is giving a resounding YES but the other side doesn’t want that to be true.

So tonight I hope we can make the most of it.  I made sure to make the most of last night too just in case you decided to be a pill tonight.  I love you so much and we’ll soon both realize that this isn’t the end of the world, it’s just a new chapter and mommy is going to be SO HAPPY to have a little more freedom!

I love you

Mommy

The boob has been blurred so you don’t have to see such things…I woulda just put it on there but then I though of Dad…and Grandpa…and Mark…and FIL so I didn’t.  Is that not the most precious nursing face ever???  I took this last night.

More photos of my big big boy

they got daddy’s eyelashes…lucky boys

Aparantly those safety plugs have other uses.

slobber string

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A conversation between Silas and I last night

Me: “Silas I love you with all of my heart”

Silas: “I love you with all of my circle”

Me: laughs hysterically

Silas: sees that Mommy thinks this is funny “I love you with all of my crescent!”

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11 comments

  1. Perhaps this weekend I’ll throw away the booby juice. I’ve been holding on for too long…

    I’m so proud of you for nursing your boys for so long. You’re amazing!

  2. Awe Leanne, we can let go together. If there’s another pumping session for you (God forbid) we’ll make sure to put the milk to good use. Lucas can have it in his cereal and we’ll try to make yogurt out of it. We could make frozen yogurt mmmmmmm. For the kids…not us. Then we’ll tell them when they’re older. MUHAHAHAHAHA.

    I’m thinking both of our bossoms with again flow with “bounty” lol.

  3. Please be sure you have hard copies of all of this – your boys and their families will find them overwhelmingly precious.

    Love you Sweetie

  4. Aww… it’s hard, i know.

    My first one refused to nurse and I pumped at work for 7 months just so she would have breast milk. My second one took to nursing so well, we did it for 17 months! I can’t believe how the time flew. Before I knew it he was walking, running, etc, and then the TEETH! Yikes!

    Definitely a bittersweet time for you. I remember feeling the same way – just wanting my body back and a little more of freedom.

  5. Petara – you can nurse and be preggers. Some people’s milk dries up though. I nursed Silas until 2 months before Ikey popped out…yikes

    ADD- way to go!! Seems like you believe in it as much as I do.

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