I write this letter to you with mixed emotions. Today is our very last day of nursing. It makes me sad to say that but when I think about nursing you for even one more week, I know that it’s time to stop.
I hate doing this to you because you don’t know what’s going on. You don’t know that tonight is the very last night you’ll have that comfort from me and that breaks my heart. I feel so guilty but I know in my heart that this is the best thing.
Funny how I feel so guilty. I fought SO hard to keep nursing you. You and I cried and fought and fought for five whole months. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Once you finally calmed down, you’d nurse for two hours sometimes. I’ve really done my share of the work. I fought for this and succeeded yet I still feel bad about stopping.
It was easier with your brother, you were coming in two months and he weaned himself. I knew I’d have you to nurse and I knew he was ready to stop. Now it’s more me being ready than you.
There are two things that make this easier. One is the fact that you’ve gotten so strong and you pull on my face and my hair, you dig your little fingers into my mouth and my nose and it drives me batty. You’re also nursing with your top teeth and the pain is unbearable. Secondly I’m craving freedom!! I’ve been either pregnant or nursing since February 2005!! That’s 3 years and 4 months my darling. I’ve been producing milk for three years. I just want my body back already. It’s time.
My darling, I’m going to miss this so much. I love watching your darling face as you nurse. I love being so close to you, it’s the only time you’ll cuddle with me. I love making you smile while you’re trying to suck, you break the seal but your little sucker is still going while you smile. Usually milk starts dripping out the corner of your mouth, so adorable.
It’s hard to think that tonight might be my last nursing session ever. I’m only 25 and am I really done nursing for ever? Part of me is giving a resounding YES but the other side doesn’t want that to be true.
So tonight I hope we can make the most of it. I made sure to make the most of last night too just in case you decided to be a pill tonight. I love you so much and we’ll soon both realize that this isn’t the end of the world, it’s just a new chapter and mommy is going to be SO HAPPY to have a little more freedom!
I love you
The boob has been blurred so you don’t have to see such things…I woulda just put it on there but then I though of Dad…and Grandpa…and Mark…and FIL so I didn’t. Is that not the most precious nursing face ever??? I took this last night.
More photos of my big big boy
they got daddy’s eyelashes…lucky boys
Aparantly those safety plugs have other uses.
A conversation between Silas and I last night
Me: “Silas I love you with all of my heart”
Silas: “I love you with all of my circle”
Me: laughs hysterically
Silas: sees that Mommy thinks this is funny “I love you with all of my crescent!”