It’s almost been a year since we lost our little girl Serenity, time has flown by so fast. It’s hard to believe it’s been so long already. At that time all I wanted was another baby inside of me as fast as I could possibly get one. Of course it never works out the way you want it to. In my case, it just didn’t happen FAST. But now, only 10 days away from Serenity’s birthday, I’m feeling a strong little girl inside of me, kicking me with all her might.
Yes, I am pregnant once again. 21 weeks and 4 days to be exact. I feel better knowing I’m further along than when I lost Serenity although, I will be a bit paranoid until this little one is in my arms. She likes to reassure me she’s strong and healthy all the time by being active for the better part of the day, starting the moment I roll onto my back for a stretch in the morning.
This pregnancy hasn’t been as stressful as I thought it would be. I was sure I would be a mess at my ultrasound but I was OK. I explained to the tech what had happened and she confirmed life and a healthy baby right away. Then I tried not to bawl my eyes out. My initial ultrasound didn’t go as well. I had it fairly early on and I had no idea if I had a viable pregnancy in me or not. I had some light bleeding early on so I was extra worried. The poor ultrasound tech, I starting crying the moment I got in the room. She was so nice to confirm baby and a heartbeat the moment she saw it. Then I had to happy cry. I’m sure it’s not very easy to get measurements when the woman is trying to hold back waves of sobs but she got it done. And the blob was adorable.
We all wanted a girl. I had felt, initially, that it would have been a sick joke for it not to be. For my only daughter to be the one who passed away. The closer I got to the ultrasound, my mind changed and I became convinced it was a boy and was getting very excited by the notion. But I was just so dang happy that baby was alive and kickin that I stopped caring entirely. Or so I thought I did. As you can see by our gender reveal video, I was extremely excited that it is a girl. Seems as though the whole room was :).
Since then I have been dreaming of dresses and fabrics and a cute girls room when I sleep at night. I wanted this so badly and it’s here. And I’m really intimidated.
I don’t even know how to change a girl diaper properly……
But I shall learn. I am so happy. My life feels like it’s going in the right direction again. I can’t believe once I have her we will have tried for her for two years. She’s a very very very wanted little girl and I am beyond excited to hold her in my arms.