5 Tips for a Peaceful Bedtime

People enjoyed my 5 Tips for a Peaceful Morning so much that I decided to write one for bedtime.  Bedtime can often be the most loathed time of the day for children and parents.  Here are 5 easy tips to bring peace back to bed time.

1. Your child getting out of bed constantly?  Invest in an XL dog crate!  These fantastic products can keep a large dog inside and will surely keep your child from leaving their room.  Some might figure out the locking mechanism but the dollar store carries padlocks so that problem is easily solved.  My favourite part about caging children is that they cannot get out until you let them out.  Your pre-child sleep-in days are back!  The crate is also portable so if they’re baulking, you can move the crate to the basement!
2. Kid’s don’t want to brush their teeth?   Some GENIUS made candy that’s also a toothbrush!!  Just put them to bed and give them one of these and your headaches are over.
3. Scared of monsters?  Use it to your advantage!!!  Insist that there are monsters in the closets and witches under their beds.  Just make sure to tell them that as long as they keep quiet, the monsters and witches won’t know they’re alive, and they only like to eat living children because then their blood is warmer.  There are more ways to use this fear to your advantages.  Trust me, the more frightened your children are, the better they will behave.  Just use your imagination and their specific fears to your advantage.
4. Peeing the bed?  Install some wiring under their sheets that will send out a large wave of electricity when wet.  This way your children will be jolted awake and can use the cup you’ve left in their cage while you don’t have to do a 3am sheet change.  Leave some newspaper there for them to cover the wet spot.
5. The worst part of bed time is telling them it’s bed time and listening to them whining.  This is the type of thing that drives a parent to insanity.  In my opinion, the best solution can be used for morning and night.  The air horn.  Just blast that puppy off the moment you hear them whine, this definitely discourages them.

You will all be thanking me when you begin to notice a reduction in the bags under your eyes 🙂

*disclaimer* for those of you who have no sense of sarcasm, please note that this entire  post was written sarcastically and these tips are not to be used on any living creature.  Please also note that I have no freaking clue how to have a peaceful morning because my children turn into whiny little jerks when it’s time to get ready for school.  I also apologize if this post brought up any painful childhood memories….

**click photos for source**