Blogging in My Britches

I’m in my underwear.  This is the life.  Actually, I am in my underwear and one sock…and a purple shirt.  My 12-year-old second-hand lululemons got wet on my walk with Cleo.  They’re too long and it’s very very very wet out there.  Classy girl is staying classy.

I did something on our walk and I’m so ashamed, something I would judge someone for.  I swear it wasn’t my fault, though.  Cleo was having a problem.  I brought a roll of doodoo bags because this dog can poop.  I don’t know why, I do have her on good food…she just takes these massive dumps.  I felt like I was sufficiently prepared for anything she could throw at me.

Unfortunately, things just kept moving for her.  She tricked me a few times and acted like she had finished, so I used a bag and then she arched her damn back again and she was working on more.  I wasn’t very impressed.  Finally, I really felt like she had gotten it all out. We were 3/4 of the way home and she did it AGAIN!  I searched every pocket in my rain jacket and nothing was there, I guess I accidentally threw out the roll with the last two poop bags.  NOTHING!  She took a reallllly long time and people were walking and driving by and I was acting as though the situation was under control.  No big deal, just going to sit here and text my friends while my dog does her thing, nothing to see here folks.

Really, I was texting people “F*$&, Cleo is on her 4th S#i^ and I’m outta bags!!!!”

So, I did what any person could do.  I made a mental note of who was there when the offense occurred, I made sure they had all cleared so they wouldn’t see me walk away from the evidence.  I even let her sniff around for a while so it looked like I had just stopped to text something important to someone.  Once the coast was clear, I left.  My heart heavy with guilt.  It wasn’t a big poop, it was just a little nugget, it blends in with the fallen leaves….don’t judge me.  It wouldn’t even climb up the side of a shoe if one were to step on it.

The whole time it was happening, I was thinking of you guys.  I almost took photos of entire event.  But then, that’s evidence and…I’m scared.

I have this one friend that I pretend to try to run over when I see her walking while I’m driving.  She likes it, I think.  Well, she came creeping up behind me in her van and I thought it was someone about to verbally abuse me about leaving a dollop of dog excrement in public.  It gave me a bit of a start.  I guess that’s karma for you…

Anyway, this is Cleo’s Halloween costume, I find it very fitting.  Today in the check out at the dollar store, some older woman looked at the fairy wings and was picturing them on some adorable daughter of mine.  She lovingly said “someone will be so happy to have those”.  I just looked at her and laughed!!

“These are for my basset hound!”

It took her a second but then she retracted her comment, she wasn’t too certain she would like them.  I think Cleo feels amazing in them, like they give her super powers.  She feels like she can relate to our bird more.  She looks happy in them…no?