Consequences VS Punishments

Firstly, you must go to bags for Zaza and check out the bags. The bidding ends tomorrow and there’s always different styles each week so if you don’t like anything be sure to come back and check things out again. There’s a camo one and that’s the last of our camo fabric so be sure to check it out!! Seriously, if you hated everything one week, there’ll be totally different styles in the next one. Go!! Bid!! Bring Zaza home!! DO IT!!

Is it tantalizing your taste buds??ย  It’s way hotter inย  real life too…all of them are. (click on the photo to go directly to that bag)

secondly, when is this fasting thing supposed to get hard?? It this heightened sense of euphoria just a chemical release to make me not feel like I’m unhappy that I’m not eating?? I feel really good! I feel grand. Maybe it’s because the scale said 156 today…maybe that’s why I feel so grand. My tongue still isn’t white. Am I messing things up because I’m drinking green tea still?? I don’t think so. Perhaps I’m just not very toxic. Perhaps it’s too early. Today is day 4. Almost half way done..well the lemon juice aspect, I just realized you still have to not eat much for 3 days after…I don’t think I’ll follow it THAT closely! I did a detox bath last night which is something you can make at home. 1 cup SEA salt, 2 cups baking soda, 1 cup salt. Store in a glass jar and use 1/4 cup each bath. As hot as you can stand it for 25-30 mins. Consult your doc if you have blood pressure issues or other health problems first.

Thirdly…Man, I realized today what a lucky mommy I am when it comes to the support I have to be a good parent. I have a sister who happens to be a marvelous ECE teacher who knows and believes in all the wonderful and up-to-date child rearing skills. She’s had to learn all the problem solving skills in school so she is so helpful in getting me to figure out what the heck to do. I have a husband who’s totally on board with me (I have a feeling he’d be on board with anything though lol). Leanne is like the bestest ever to call when I wanna freak out or when I’m confused, or if my husband is bothering me…or if I’m just bored). She and I believe in the same techniques too so we enjoy trying to figure out what the heck to do. Any time Jill teaches me something new I call Leanne and we discuss it. We’ve decided to be constantly reading Barbara Colloroso because she gives us patience. Praise God for Barabara Colloroso.

I’m (slowly) reading Kids Are Worth It right now (as to fully grasp it) and she lays out this easy to remember acronym for discipline: RSVP.

Is it REASONABLE?

Is it SIMPLE?

Is it VALUABLE as a learning tool?

Is it PRACTICAL?

Jill made a good point today when I called her to discuss this with her asking how can I apply this to Silas hitting? Having a time out is a punishment, not a consequence and I’m not sure if it keeps his dignity in tact (which is a big concern I think), especially when there’s company around. I’ve been doing time outs and they seemed reasonable, practical and simple but it is valuable as a learning tool? Not really. Silas learns not to hit because he’ll get a time out not because hitting is very wrong, it hurts people and people wont want to play with him because he hits them. Jill said me saying “not ok” in a harsh-ish tone is more of a valuable lesson because he learns that it’s simply not ok. She said saying “no hitting” is too hard for a child because you should try to not use the word “no” and that toddlers just mainly hear the last word “hitting” and that’s what stays in their heads. Interesting but true. If you give a toddler two options like “do you like red or blue” they usually choose the last one because that’s just what they do. So saying “no hitting” isn’t as effective as “not ok”. So interesting. So hard to do in a world that is used to punishments that are entirely irrelevant and don’t have anything to do with the offense.

Barbara Colloroso talked about her friends who gave their kid a smack on the butt for running into the road thinking they’d teach him a lesson about how dangerous it was. The next time the kid was free he ran into traffic with his hands on his bum. Hmmmmmmm

I think Jill should have her own 24 hour hotline so anyone can call her at any time for advise on toddlers. I’d really recommend reading Barbara Colloroso books. She really has amazing ideas which respect both the child and the parent. They make so much sense to me, they just kinda go against human nature in a way. Most good things tend to go against our nature though.

Anyway, interesting tidbits to share. I think child rearing really needs to go beyond punishments. I want to not work on my child’s behavior because they’re afraid to get whacked or shoved in a corner. I want them to behave and be a good person because it’s the right thing to do. So I guess we’ll try getting rid of the time outs and see what happens. I think sometimes the right thing to do doesn’t always give you automatic results. A big old slap on the bum will work for a short time but how it effects their whole lives is more important in my books.

My kids are so lucky their mommy has such wonderful sisters. (including my other ones that I didn’t mention, they’re very helpful to :)) It’s true that it indeed takes a community to raise a child.

Consequences not punishments…here we come…*sigh*

Being a parent is hard.

GO BID ON A ZAZA BAG!!

8 comments

  1. just a side note. Barbara Colloroso isn’t “new” or “up to date.” She has been teaching since before you were born, and her messages have never changed…neither has her hair ๐Ÿ™‚ She talks about the times changing, her beliefs don’t though. Some of the new and up to date books out there are fluffy rubbish and overwhelming. We have a generation of children who were given too much (innappropriate for their age) control and no accountability: there is a good book out there called “negotiation generation” that talks about it. The most important thing to remember when trying out strategies with your child is respect…for everyone in the family; literally put yourself in that child’s place. If you wouldn’t allow someone to speak or treat you in the way you’re treating your child, then it’s proabably not respectful. That doesn’t mean you let them walk all over you either!

    “http://www.amazon.com/Negotiation-Generation-Parental-Authority-Punishment/dp/0425217019

  2. It’s going to be so ….what’s the word? the day I have children. Just living in this day and age, and observing everything around you, sometimes is tool enough to make you wonder and question things.

    One thought that always crosses my mind, is “if kids are the way they are NOW, how will it be when I have kids?” kinda scary. But then again, family and parenting can make all the difference in the world. But not always, and that truth kinda hurts. You can be the most loving, most caring “proper” kind of parents around, but even then, that sometimes doesn’t always do the trick.

    The beauty of this thing called life hey?

  3. Why do you say that the big old slap on the bum will only work for a short time? Of course, not administered in anger or a spontaneous reaction. A correctly administered “slap on the bum” will result in an increased time period before the next slap on the bum is required and will result in respect for the parent using consistent guidance and love.

  4. The point of this wasn’t about how to administer a spanking. It more meant that if you spank a child for doing something wrong then they’ll behave because they don’t want a spanking. That doesn’t teach them not to do things because it’s the right thing to do. It’s not a learning experience and it doesn’t help build morals or character. Therefore it might be easy, practical and simple but it’s by no means a valuable learning lesson. See?? Just like how I’m seeing that time outs are practical, easy and simple but again: not a valuable learning situation.

    I REALLY don’t want to have a debate on weather or not spanking is right or wrong.

  5. If they only remember the last word of what you say, and when they do something wrong you tell them “not okay” ….. aren’t they going to hear/remember “okay?”

  6. my husband is really into this stuff “natural consequences” for discipline… they use it at school where he teaches and we try to use it at home too.

    Sometimes it’s hard to come up with a natural consequence depending on what the child did. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Have you heard of Jane Nelson? She’s written a few parenting books on logical/natural consequences. One of the parenting ones is called “Positive Discipline” and it’s really good.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge