Crap, I’m already teary.
I think the excitement of this baby really hit me today. Like I’ve said before. We never felt like it was the responsible thing to do to have another child. Silas took most of our energy and what was left was meant for Isaac. And that’s what we did. We didn’t know that Silas would finish ABA therapy in record time or turn into such a capable and calm person already. We didn’t know that it would be so soon before we didn’t need such tiresome constant intervention and for that we feel incredibly blessed.
When we got pregnant on our IUD I was so happy. I thought hey, we did everything we could to prevent a pregnancy. We were being responsible and it still happened so we can have our baby and still play the “we’re being responsible” card. But then that pregnancy was gone as quickly as it came and I was left feeling very empty and sad. Shit, our guilt free baby card is gone. It was painful on it’s due date and the months after. Thinking about how old he/she would be. What I would be doing now if the baby stayed inside of me and magically grew despite it’s .1% chance of even being conceived.
But time has passed and now I feel like now is even a better time to have a baby. It’s like having my first almost. It’s been SO long since there’s been babies in our home. The boys are in school all day long and I am staying home so I can rest when I need to (which has been incredibly often lately…like almost 24/7…I’m a wimpy sick person). Our money situation is better now and our kids are old enough to help!
So I’m getting incredibly excited. I’m so looking forward to new baby smell, nursing, kissing soft cheeks, chewing on meaty thighs, taking photos of everything, delivering again with my mom and my sister’s by my side, open mouth kisses, baby noises, crawling, first steps and then watching as a new personality develops through the years. Feeling like my heart is brimming with even more love that it has ever felt. I think I’m even looking forward to late night feedings. Can you imagine?