Good Days and Bad Days

Autism is a funny thing.  One day things are just fine, they’re happy and learning and fun.  The next day can be totally different, you’re considering finding an medevil blacksmith for some body armour and then calling up a priest to perform and exorcism.

It’s funny, since I’ve been twittering I’ve found this network of parents of kids with autism.  One just twittered “Serenity Now….Serenity Now……Serenity Now” and it made me cry.  It’s just nice to know I’m not alone.  Even if it’s just words on the screen, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one pulling my hair out today.

I dunno what does it.  I dunno what sparks a bad day.  I guess it could be a number of things.  Sometimes one little bad situation can ruin Silas’ entire day, sometimes the same situation can be easily brushed off and we move on.

Usually when he’s grouchy I can’t help but get a little grouchy and then we get grouchy back and forth and then I end up raising my voice because he’s not easily complying with things that he normally complies with and then it just escalates.  It’s dumb.  So I guess part of it is my fault, I guess well all have our breaking points.

I’m not doing a very good job focussing on my blog today.  I’m too sad.  crying feels good though.  Well…there’s always tomorrow.

6 comments

  1. bad days… I got plenty, facing the wildness of behaviors. It gets you because it is not gentle with you. I know… it’s hard. It acts upon your primal self, and reactions there are. Then worn out, you get upset, because you can’t but just let people around know this it’s too much to handle. It’s hard, because it’s not the way you wish it would go. But it’s okay. That’s part of the interaction. There are also breaking points where the tension just evaporate. Part for while if you must. By the end of the day, as they are asleep like angels. Tomorrow is another day. Good times come back, They aren’t gone. so let go. it’s going to pass. It may seem trivial to think that good times come back. But I’ve experienced large blows, and it hurts like hell. Sometime, they regress, and you worry they will get back together. And I suspect that’s where I get nervous and I can’t take it. That’s where it reminds me of old pains, struggle, worries. They sort of come back as vivid as you painfuly lived them. These meltdowns are the ugly side of our own pain. It’s also frightening, because you have no control over them. It’s rough… So, I think it’s going to alright, because I’ve been there and it got better. So it will. I try to let go.

  2. I’m sorry you’ve had such a crappy day 🙁
    Hope you got a good night’s sleep and get some extra smiles, cuddles and fun tomorrow to make up for it. And if all else fails, I’ll fed-ex you some gin and start work on that body armour x

  3. Oh how I feel your pain- it is comforting to know you are NOT alone! I feel this way very often- Lucas has had a bladder infection for a week and he can’t tell me what is wrong so he just acted aweful for a week until we figured it out. Just glad to know he was not just being rotten! Hang in there- enjoy your snuggle times……. those are the best.

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