Firstly- thanks to all of my readers, even you lurking lurkers.  I hit 100 000 hits yesterday!!!  Pretty stinking rad I think.  Perhaps as a celebration for all of the readers out there, some of you can de-lurk-ify yourselves.  I know some of you are coming from my Facebook…who are you??!!!!  De-lurk your lurkity lurking selves!!

Anyway, I just realized that this is the first time in my marriage where I’m free from freakish hormones.  When I was first married I went on the pill and turned into psycho grumpy b!&#% woman.  Then I went off the pill and got pregnant with Silas.  I was still nursing and got pregnant with Isaac and so seriously, up until like now…I haven’t really been myself.  I’m sure feeling better now.  I heard that your body doesn’t completely go back to normal until 3 years after your baby is born.  That’s including your stored nutrition and hormones.  So I guess I’m not 100% me but for darn tootin I’m feeling lots better.  I’m also still producing some sort of greenish yellowish slime stuff so perhaps when I’m completely dried up I’ll be even perkier.  The real Leah is UBER perky.  The real Leah hasn’t been around for a looonnnnng time.  (cuz I was also severely depressed for a lot of the two years I was dating my husband…k does he even know who I really am??)

I must attribute it to that cleanse too…I have so much more perk since I did that.  Wooot.  I’m still not gaining the weight back which also gives me some perk too 🙂

I must say, I’m proud of myself.  I’m glad that I took action against my depression and kicked it’s ass.  I’m glad I’m kicking my weight issues in the ass and I’m glad I’m kicking my lazy ass on the track each week with my sisters and friends.  (sorry for the swearing…it was just…necessary 🙂 ).

My counselor gave me so many tools and as of now, I’m graduated.  She wants me to read all the books recommendations she gave me and just practice the tools she gave me.  I will need to go back but for more life tools.

For example, I’m weird about confrontation.  Certain people really scare me and last time I had to stand up for myself the whole room spun and I blacked out for a moment.  Ya high anxiety.  It never used to be like that so it’s a learned thing.  I’ve also been known to completely snap and, well…the details are unimportant but you can kinda either picture me putting my fist through a wall or drooling in a corner.  Good thing that doesn’t happen more than once a year.  I also am weird about social stuff.  In lots of different social situations I get really bad IBS and I sweat and fart all over the place.  It’s not pretty, no one wants to see that.

So ya, I have some anxiety issues to work on but I think the more I practice getting a better self esteem, the more I’ll be comfortable with myself in those situations.  Perhaps I wont black out next time I stand up for myself.

I had a slight altercation with a biker yesterday.  I DONT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE TAIL GATE ME!!  And he was.  So I did my usual put on my hazard lights which usually makes people realize that they’re riding me so they back off.  This biker obviously KNEW he was riding me so he smiled and continued.  Because of the dangerous situation and my resentment towards the biker, I slowed down well below the speed limit.  He continued, obviously getting off on the situation.  So, I’m angry, I don’t know what to do.   This is unsafe and stupid.  Finally the guy passes me and I guess my middle finger was angry too because it stood up and looked at the guy…I’m going to have to have a talk with that finger later, it knows I’m not that brave…it was acting out of line.

So bonehead slowed down right in front of me.  And me, being the safe driver that I am, backed off a safe distance behind the guy and continued on my way down the highway, obviously being the bigger person.  Unfortunately I think I gave the guy his jollies.  Next time I’m holding my finger DOWN because that wasn’t ok.  BUT, gladly I’m human and I don’t always have to be perfect.

sorry to all the people who did think I was perfect and didn’t flip people off, drool in corners or say “ass”.  Here’s to being authentic.

Cheers 🙂


  1. Glad to hear that you are begining to feel more like yourself. Great job!
    PS – A friend of mine wants some pic taken and she LOVED the ones you took for us. I gave her your blog email, and she said that she will contact you soon.

  2. I just got my cleanse stuff. I’m super excited to try it out. I have to wait until I get back home Wednesday. I have a question to you in my post today. Check it out if/when you get time 🙂 Thanks lady.

  3. Ok i’m the sorta lurker that comments sometimes. Yay for being back to you!
    PS. I’m mildy obsessed with biker gangs, one of those weird things that I can’t learn enough about. This has been in my head since I was a child. Be careful who you throw your finger up to my lady! A certain well known gang has their 25 year annivesary party this weekend—don’t wanna finger the wrong dudes 🙂

  4. Jody, I TOTALLY thought about that right after. I kinda have someone that’s very respected by Hells Angels in my life so if they didn’t shoot me right away he could save me ha ha ha.

    PS is this Jody like Brent’s old friend Jody??

    Loriane – YAY!!

    RMB – I’m on it.

  5. Well, I suppose it’s about time that I out myself as a lurker. I don’t know if you remember me – we took some worship classes together at CBC. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I really appreciate your openness and honesty!
    When I have people tailgating me, I like to yell at them from the safety of my car with the windows closed, but I’m sure it’s different when you have kids around… 🙂

  6. Glad to hear you’re feeling well. I found your blog by Googling “stupid peanut allergy,” ’cause my kid has one, too. I left a long comment on your “stupid peanut allergy” post!

  7. Oh yeah, i have the social anxiety thing too – almost panic attacks. I will raise my hand to contribute to the group discussion, but then if they call on me, it’s almost like I forget what I was going to say because I’m so anxious. It sucks! I just want to run out of the room and hide. Sweaty palms, IBS, etc… you said it, sister.

    I’ve blacked out too – a bit scary.

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