I should…

My counselor learned that I’m a blogger so I have an assignment from her today.  She actually wants to hear all of your input to.  So comment please…perhaps today is a good day to quit lurking 🙂  I’ll love you still if you don’t.

K here’s the thing.  I live my day to day thinking I should be doing a lot of things that I don’t do.  It really gets me down.  I don’t know where all of these should’s have come from, perhaps I’ve picked them up from here and there.  But I definitely focus on them a lot even though I don’t realize that I’m doing it.  My counselor wants me to write a list of my “shoulds” and hopefully hear some feedback from all you folk.  So here I go.  I’m going to leave out a few of them that might be TMI for Grans and Grumps :).

  1. I should keep a cleaner home
  2. I should take my kids outside more
  3. I should exercise more
  4. I should eat less
  5. I should stop spending so much money on delicious red wine
  6. I should stop eating dairy products
  7. I should stop playing on the net so often
  8. I should give Silas and Isaac each more one on one time
  9. I should have more energy
  10. I should stand up for myself more
  11. I should stop fearing conflict
  12. I should start saying yes to people who want to hang out
  13. I should be skinnier
  14. I should stop letting Isaac nurse at night
  15. I should start doing more fun things with my husband
  16. I should go to bed earlier
  17. I should keep to my cleaning routine
  18. I should actually fold clothes
  19. I should feed my family more fish
  20. I should pay off my debt faster
  21. I should get my taxes done (k I really SHOULD do that)
  22. I should get to my mom’s house more often
  23. I should start singing in church again
  24. I should start writing songs again
  25. I should reach out more
  26. I should have a sponsor child
  27. I should tithe
  28. I should get a compost (K I am on Saturday)
  29. I should work harder to get our renos done
  30. I should think before I speak
  31. I should make more things from scratch
  32. I should have more deep conversations with my husband
  33. I should be better with money
  34. I should drink more water
  35. I should remember to take my vitamins
  36. I should be a better wife
  37. I should teach my kids more
  38. I should get my kids dressed in the morning instead of letting them roam about in their PJ’s (but it’s so comfy)
  39. I should take better care of my hair and my skin
  40. I should be the kind of person who can take on challenges
  41. I should be better at setting goals
  42. I should be better at actually trying to reach a goal
  43. I should stop saying should so much
  44. I should try and make money somehow
  45. I should take more photos
  46. I should eat more veggies
  47. I should take singing lessons again
  48. I should take piano lessons
  49. I should focus more on the now then the future or past
  50. I should work on Silas’ communication skills more
  51. I should make more of an effort to sit at the table and eat with everyone (but by the end of the day I’d rather eat in a closet than eat at a table with loud children)
  52. I should reach out to my nieces and nephews more
  53. I should be more like so and so
  54. I should learn to sew
  55. I should make more gifts
  56. I should be a Suzie home maker
  57. I should clean the kitchen every night before I go to bed
  58. I should cook more frugal-y (I dunno…is frugaly a word??)
  59. I should be more social at church
  60. I should be ok with myself when I always stick my foot in my mouth at church
  61. I should stop being so scared of social situations
  62. I should be the change I want to see in the world
  63. I should stop eating at Wendy’s (but that spicy baconater!!)
  64. I should start going to Nexus again
  65. I should show my husband more appreciation
  66. I should volunteer
  67. I should volunteer for the Olympics
  68. I should read my Bible….but I don’t understand it anymore…
  69. I should fit into my summer clothes before it gets too hot
  70. I should do anything possible to pay off our debt, even collect cans
  71. I should buy a better car
  72. I should keep my car cleaner
  73. I should stop forgetting to throw dirty diapers away
  74. I should have more people over
  75. I should call my chiropractor
  76. I should stop procrastinating
  77. I should pay my bills on time more often…oops
  78. I should go visit my Grandparents more often
  79. I should be less pessimistic
  80. I should stop being so honest with people…but I can’t help it
  81. I should make a bunch of meals and freeze them
  82. I should bake more
  83. I should give more of myself
  84. I should stop sitting in front of the computer or on the couch so much
  85. I should put my marriage before my kids (how the heck do people do that?)
  86. I should stop being such a pushover
  87. I should be more thankful for what I have
  88. I’m starting to think I should stop telling myself “I should” so much
  89. I should keep the kids toys in line more
  90. I should read more parenting books
  91. I should have more patience

K I have to stop now.  I’m feeling ill and overwhelmed.  I could still go on.  It wasn’t hard at all to think of those things because I say all of that and more to myself on a daily basis.  No wonder I’m going crazy.

I have this vision in my mind of the person I want to be.  She’s skinny with long hair and wears stylish clothes.  She does all these things and more.  She’s not Leah.

I think with time we all mature and grow into better people we create more habits, we learn to do things more efficiently.  Of course if I tried all these things at the same time I’ve never find time to do it.  It’s hard to let go of them.  It rocked my world last night when I realized that thinking this way isn’t the best for me.  It’s hard for me to accept that I already am a good, well-rounded person.  I should remind myself of the things I already am instead of what I should be.  That’s the one “should” I think I need to actually focus on.

Sorry if there’s spelling mistakes.  I can’t bring myself to actually read over all of that.  I fear I might throw up or explode.

Thoughts?

16 comments

  1. Hi Leah – long time, no comment. (I should comment more than lurking.;) I just had the SAME conversation with my counselor last week, weird huh? But she really helped me get things into perspective and I hope yours can do the same. One thing I learned about myself is instead of feeling anger, I feel guilt. About everything! Point is, I think I know where you’re coming from. I don’t know you personally, but what I can comment on is that I think you are an amazing writer – you keep me coming back daily to read what you have to say. Based on your posts, you clearly love your family DEEPLY. You can grow flowers!!!!! (Love to look at ’em, can’t for the life of me grow ’em.) I think your honesty is refreshing – wish I could be more authentic. You’ve already taught me a cooking tip, just from one post, and I remember it and use it. (I’m thinking there’s more, but we’re late for gymnastics.) Oh, you’re a great photographer!

    Take Care! Hang in there!

  2. I think you should split your list into a few categories to help yourself get rid of a few “should’s”. You could put somethings under “It’d be fun to” like “singing lessons” and “make things from scratch”.Then do those once in a while. You could put a few under the category “perfect mom’s…”.Things like making your family eat fish! Then let those ones be forced on the strange family’s.
    Then you could categorize like 1 of those as ” Tomorrow I’m going to”. And change the word more to “Some. Like “tomorrow I’m going to drink some water”. In my psych book it says that shoulds’ are just as bad as cant’s. So change whatever is left to “I’d like to’s” or “it’d be nice if’s”.That way you can let yourself off the hook for needing to “do” stuff. There’s one though that you should have added. It’s the “I’m going to” category. There should only be one thing under it though. “I’m going to visit Courtenay!”

  3. That is an exhaustive list, and no wonder you don’t have energy to go outside or have social interaction, you’re very busy on the inside. I believe we all have “shoulds” that we hold to for various reasons. I often ask myself “how is this helping me to hold on to this expectation?” Sometimes it helps to know the gain we’re getting from something not very helpful. It helps me make more space to be compassionate with myself and have permission to be human. I don’t know if that’s helpful so take it for what it’s worth. I feel for you though, it sucks to try to hold to so many expectations, it’s exhausting!

  4. Hi. Well before i can actually comment properly i would like you to write a list of things you do do in the day. Only then can you really see if your shoulds are actually possible. Else what is the point? You only wasting time by thinking of what you

  5. Guess what!! I should do all those things too! That’s some list!!! The thing for me is that I ask myself, if I were on my deathbed right now, what would I wish with all my heart that I would have done more of? I can tell you that it would not be “ate more fish” or “tried harder to be like so and so.” Right? It would be “spent more time just watching my kids play” or “showed my husband how much I appreciate him” – so I concentrate on those things in my day and not the petty stuff like having a clean house. My house is clean enough. When I go to bed at night, I sleep well if I can answer this question with a “yes” – if I don’t wake up, will my loved ones know how I feel about them?

  6. There is only 1 “I should” on my list and that is…I should take better care of myself. All of the rest falls into place after that…for the most part. When I take care of myself I am a healthier, happier, more giving, accepting person.
    P.S. you should give yourself a hug from me 🙂

  7. found you! 🙂 anyways..talk about inspiring me. as i was reading i couldn’t believe it but you helped me realize what the heck was going on with me!..i’m going to do the same… and court’s thing was good too..made sense.
    thanks leah.. as your finding yourself.. you’re helping others so the same.
    xxoo

  8. What if you made a list of things that you do do? And of who you are? That’s a long list of shoulds and by the end I’m sure you felt like nothing. So I would make a list beside it of things that you have accomplished and I’m sure it’ll get just as long and be more encouraging. Just my thought.

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