Me and My Nine Nipples on Dr Oz

I guess it’s time for me to complete me and my nine nipples Dr Oz experience.  You can see the first post here.

First I should tell you why I was brought there in the first place.  The producer of the show was surfing the internet and came across a post I had written ages ago, all about how I had just been diagnosed with nine nipples!  Most dogs have 8 nipples but I have 9 of them.  It’s true.  I have NINE NIPPLES.  One lactates too.  She read the blog and told me she HAD to meet me.  It really all happened so fast.  This wasn’t the first time I’ve had media attention for my nine nips.  A director of a documentary called The Triple Nipple Club had read the same post and had me in the documentary.  You can watch my bit here because they have removed the embed option on the stupid video.  Whatever.

Getting on the plane to NYC was surreal.  I felt like someone other than myself.  I felt extra extra extra important!  I had an amazing friend, Annette, who was already in NYC waiting for me.  She had purchased a ticket the night before and came!  She was the icing on the cake of the trip, I don’t know what I would have done without her actually.  The flight was rather uneventful.  I was in between two strangers, one who I think was a university professor.  He mostly slept and when he finally stirred, after an hour of me holding my pee cuz I didn’t wanna wake him, I woke him up all the way and he proceeded to mark papers on nursing.  The other one slept too, then she watched the equivalent of a porno and I tried really hard to not look like I was peeking at her laptop and snickering inside.  Her and I ended up talking and she was a writer for the New York Times.  She was cool.  She walked me to the baggage claim and got excited with me as we approached where my driver was waiting for me.  Who HASN’T wanted to arrive at an airport and have a driver waiting with your name on the sign?

Kinda hard to see my darling drive Jose….but that’s him there, the young-looking one…he was SUCH a hunk!  He talked to us and slowed down so we could take photos of things.  He made sure to drive through the cool parts so we could see things and he gave us great tips!

That night was spent wandering semi-aimlessly through Times Square.  We got to our hotel which is right in the square and we went out and got food and walked around for ages.  I think it was nearly 2am before we hit the sack.  But 10 in my own head…time change.

iphone self portraits.  We are in a delicious Lincoln (I think) on our way into the city!  Annette went and got some baking from The Cake Boss himself, we were excited to dig in.

It was SO HOT and SO HUMID!  We were just sticky and gross and it was past midnight!

Random man with a cat on his head…..

Can you find us?

We did eventually eat the cupcakes and cannolis from Carlos Bakery….Are you waiting to hear how mouth watering and delicious they were?  Those cannolis look like they could cause a person to die and go to Heaven!  That show is always so mouth-watering.  We both put some in our mouths and it was like….”oh, this tastes like any other store-bought, dry, too sweet baking”.  They were blah.  My sister’s cupcakes are like 88 thousand times tastier than Carlos Bakery.  Sorry Cake Boss…I think you need some new recipes!

We were actually amazing at getting up early the next morning.  Our driver was going to be picking us up at 1:00 to take us to the studio so we got up bright and early to seize the day!  The morning was so hot and muggy again.  We had a quick breakfast and I felt like my coffee was killing me because I was so hot and it was so hard to breathe that air.  A smoothie made it better…I forget where from…a smoothie place that’s not in Canada.  We headed in the direction of Central Park!  Once getting there we got bombarded by petty cab drivers.  Annette’s super skills brought his price down to half and we hopped on, happy to not be walking anymore.  I felt bad for the poor fellow.  He was sweating so badly.  But it was nice to get into a park and away from the humidity trapped between skyscrapers.  It felt fresher there and I felt like I could breathe.  Phew.  Annette and I had a blast that morning.  Her and I are actually incredibly hilarious together.  I don’t laugh with many people the way I do with Annette, she’s a hoot! 🙂

So now you know what I mean by a petty cab…I wouldn’t have known what I was talking about.

Holy crap I remember that fountain from the movies!

Holy crap it’s the bow bridge!

I love this photo.

Once our tour was over we got back to the hotel and laid down.  Annette took a snooze while I got myself all prepped for the Dr Oz show.  Of course it was right then where the producers called and stressed me out about my wardrobe.  They called me RIGHT as I was leaving for the airport and told me I needed a selection of brightly coloured outfits.  Good grief!  I had been shopping for NY all weekend and NOW I’m told my clothing needs to be bright.  Whatever.  The ended up choosing the outfit I was going to wear in the first place.  Grrrrrrr.

Before we left, I thought I should grab something to eat.  I quickly crossed the street and grabbed a piece of pizza.  On my way back across BROADWAY I totally tripped on something and landed flat on my face, throwing my pizza into the gutters.  Two nice NY men came and helped me up but, holy crap, I was so embarrassed!!  I didn’t even want to eat after that and I put a hole in my new skinny jeans.  The men were nice, they called me lady in their accents and brushed all the debris off me and made sure I was OK.  After, I learned that it’s a NYC truth that no one wears heels on those streets.  They’re so old and uneven and not meant for heels.  Sex and The City lies…

Our new driver was boring but the drive was short, we were dropped off in front of Rockafeller Plaza and there were even paparazzi there!!  They didn’t take my photo…I wanted to take theirs though.  We had a nice person waiting for us who took us to security to get our special passes that got us into the studios.  We were told that we have to be very respectful of Jimmy Fallon’s side of the hallway 🙂  That was cool.  They brought us to our dressing room to wait for me to be briefed.  We had a good chat with other people who were on the show, laughing about our oddities that we’re about to say on national television.

I passed through the hands of a number of people.  One fantastic producer would come and tell me everything I needed to know and then another one, I assumed it was her higher up, came and told me the exact same thing.  She was nice though, she told me she was obsessed with my hands and that made me happy.  She also approved the top I had initially picked out which also made me happy.  Then wardrobe came, the top I had been wearing was only for a small pre filming portion and the rest of my time on camera was to be in a sports bra.  I obliged them, I really didn’t care.  I was certain that the majority of his audience were women who had, or had once experienced having back boobs…so I took it in stride.  Previous brave women on the show paved the way for me there.  If they could do it then I could too.  I tried on the bra they bought me and they fussed and fussed over my clothes.

I was then sent to make up.  I had to go early because on The Dr Oz Show, they don’t allow tattoos.  I was told it was a “conservative” television program.  I don’t know why they’re allowed to talk about nipples, and sex and farts and poop but not allowed to show tattoos, especially my tasteful ones.  I didn’t really care though, it was fun to be fussed over, to be wanted on the show enough for them to be willing to do all that makeup on me.  The nice makeup lady dabbed and dabbed and dabbed on colour, telling me that the colour of my tattoos was the hardest she’s ever had to cover.  It took so much time that panic began to ensue and I had three people working on me at once time, a first for them they said.  One on my hair and one on my face while the other one finished my cover ups.

The tattoo lady was never satisfied but the producers needed me back.  She followed me around with her makeup, trying to get in there to bring the job to a place where she was more satisfied.  The producers and wardrobe fussed over my outfit.  I was happy to wear something OVER the sports bra and that way my back tattoo cover up wouldn’t have to be perfect, the sound guy wasn’t happy because then microphone placement wasn’t working, they didn’t like the idea of a sports bra and jeans so in came a pair of yoga pants….on and on and they finally settled on me wearing yoga pants and flip flops.  I was thinking my appearance on Dr Oz would be slightly more glamourus…but whatever.

Once satisfied with my clothes, they allowed makeup lady to come back and fuss some more.  I ended up with makeup on every exposed part of me, which made me a little more comfortable actually.  While that was happening, the producer and I went over and over and over my lines because I was worried that I was going to draw a blank.  As we were talking, Dr Oz walked by the room and it all seemed so real!!

At one point I had to change BACK into my street clothes because we had to do a pre taping of me in the dressing room, waiting to come on and surprise you with my “shocking reveal”.

Finally, the show had begun!  I missed rehearsal because of the tattoos but they told me what to expect and I felt okay.  It was fun watching the show happen from my dressing room.  I wasn’t nervous at all.  I was just happy and excited.  Totally calm and feeling like I was in my element, even though I had no idea that was an element of mine!

Soon my time had come!  A stage manager came and grabbed me and walked me toward the studio, these double doors opened and there it was, the Dr Oz set.  Bright lights, a massive audience, an empty chair and Dr Oz himself sitting in the chair beside it.  He shook my hand and went over his notes while the comedian kept the crown in good spirits.  I sat, trying to suck it in, and looked for Annette in the crowd.  Then it was the director counting down….

CLICK HERE TO WATCH WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

Twitter kinda lit up after that.  It got pretty funny and only slightly offensive!

I was hoping it was going to be a bit funnier and sillier…but Dr Oz had set the tone right away.  I think he wanted to be respectful.  Whatever!!  Looking back, I really did NOT need to be wearing what I wore.  They didn’t air the camera that zoomed in on my stomach and I could have gotten away with the sexy little number I had picked out to begin with instead of the most unflattering thing I’ve worn ever! Haha.  But whatever.  I’m so proud of myself that I did it and I’m proud of how I said everything and that I looked comfortable and my hair was shiny :).

After my piece, Dr Oz thanked me for being on the show and I rushed out and changed and came back in time to watch the remainder of the show with Annette.  It was so much fun!!  Thinking back just makes me smile.  It was so much fun to be so fussed over like that.  Having the background of being in plays and singing on stage combined with the fact that I’m the youngest child made me totally comfortable and happy to be the centre of attention like that.  I’m sure most of you would be mortified to do that.  I definitely was mortified to watch it more than I was to do it.  I’ll never regret that though.  It was one of those times where I could check off the bucket list!  I had always always always wanted to be a guest on a talk show!!

After the show was all said and done, we waited for Dr Oz to come out and take a photo with us.  I honestly don’t think he recognized me in clothes but we got the picture.  Then I picked up my gift bag, I was thinking I would be hooked up with all the Dr Oz swag they own.  I got a mug….one mug.  Just a mug.  Oh ya and $60…to cover meals…

After that Annette and I had to walk back to our hotel and check out.  Then we took in as many of the sights as we could until we were to be taken back to the airport.  Unfortunately we came out of the restaurant where we had supper and it was a full on downpour.  Sight seeing wasn’t as easy but we had fun.

We had the same driver drop us off at the airport as we had pick us up at the airport, we were happy.  He was so nice. We had a great flight home on a really nice airline.  Much fancier, we were fed well and taken care of.  By that point, we were soooooooooo over tired that things just got incredibly silly.  The poor lady beside us, she had to put up with copious amounts of giggling, it was so bad I was crying.  That’s what happens when two silly ladies are over stimulated on small amounts of sleep.

What a great time.  I’m so thankful to be able to do that and to have such a great friend come with me.  Every time I think back, I just feel so happy inside.

I thought this was funny, of course Dr Oz doesn’t offer cream with the coffee.  The coffee was amazing anyway, I shoulda asked what it was

waiting to get makeup on.  Look at all that stuff!

Tattoo cover up

Hair and makeup complete

No one ever noticed!

me and the dr Oz sign…too illuminated..

There’s the sign…someone photoshop that for me!

Annette and I with the man himself!

Annette got in trouble for this photo….hehehehe

blurrryyyy

Rainy night in NYC

Back to the airport!

This was the photo that spurred the full on tears.  Annette was having trouble taking a photo of us….it took so many times and this is what we ended up with….I know…it only makes her and I laugh…

Soooooo flattering…but this is what that did to me at the time.

Bye NYC!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge