As I was driving home from the store today, with two kids in tow, I was thinking about how much my “normal” shopping trip would be such a nightmare for other parents.
Ya ya ya all kids whine and melt down at the grocery store. We all deal with the naughty-ness but I think it’s scary when it becomes so normal for you that you don’t even think twice about it. I no longer think of who’s watching and judging and I no longer even hardly bat an eye. Silas hurt Isaac a few times in the store and I hardly even thought about it as anything abnormal. Of course I dealt with it. I made Silas help Isaac up off the floor after he pushed him down. It didn’t stress me out…it was just normal every day dealings.
Yes my stomach does turn sometimes. The metal bus being driven by a certain someone in to a certain someone’s face causing copious amounts of blood that got on 4 different people…that turned my stomach quite a lot. Also tonight when I heard my husband yell out in pain and Silas scream when he realized how much he hurt his daddy after he went all vampire on his neck.
It sucks because Silas is a sweetheart. He doesn’t WANT to be this way. He hates it when he feels like we’re mad at him and he hates to see us in pain. If I pretend to be sad to get a kiss from him (something I do to test his sympathy) he feels sad for me and always kisses me. He’s a good boy and he’s got a kind heart.
He just has ZERO impulse control.
How do we deal with this? Welp, we’ve tried almost everything aside from duct tape, straight jackets (been tempted), beatings and tranquilizer guns. The best reaction we’ve come up with? Absolutely nothing. Don’t move, don’t flinch, don’t blink, don’t change your energy, don’t change the tone of your voice, don’t cry, don’t breathe different, don’t think bad thoughts….nothing. Talk as if you were asking him to pass the peas.
Case and point. A dear dear friend of mine used a bit of explicit language on facebook chat the other day. Fine with me. Silas happened to read it out loud. Most parents would say something, punish the child, tell them it’s a bad word…etc etc etc. The right thing to do, right?
Not. For. Us.
I SHOULD have said nothing. Then it would have just been any other word for him. I told him not to say it, that it was an “adult” word (I don’t think they’re bad words…they’re very useful sometimes). Well….now when he’s melting down…especially in public…he wants to be bad and now everyone within screaming distance hears: “F….F……F…..F…..F……F…..F…..F”.
The other day he saw “dammit” and read it out loud…I said nothing….never heard the word again.
Yes I’m a horrible parent that my child has come to read these awful words but keep yer judgment to yerself.
My world is a strange strange world. Where no punishment works better than punishment. Where no reaction is the BEST reaction (and the darn hardest reaction ever). Where it’s completely normal for me to have my son perform public beatings upon his family members and scream profanities at the top of his lungs.
No, it doesn’t feel good….but it definitely feels like the norm. How the heck has my life come to this.
Good thing the rest of Silas’ autism is cooler than rock-and-roll.
Lovin the Nucks jerseys! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!!
If someone tells you their life is normal, they are a liar! Everyone has stuff. Way to deal with yours the best you can! That’s what counts. *Hugs*
As you know, I understand how a child can be good at heart, and do really horrible things that they don’t actually want to do.
Anyhow, hugs.
Boys are so cute in their jerseys and jeans; they’re cute in anything.
I learned with each of my children that to not react to those words makes them stay out of the vocabulary… however – I DID react to Jacob saying it once, testing it out, because it made me laugh to hear him use it CORRECTLY.
“Nice f.ing slippers, mommy.”
Um, so ya. No, you’re not a bad parent. And more people’s lives look like this than you think. You’re just one of the only ones being honest. Honestly.
Love this. And love your sweet Silas, even though we’ve never met yet. I pray for continued patience for you through the public beatings and screamed profanities. Is there a tiny part of you that’s laughing inside? I hope so. You’re a good mama.
You are not a bad parent because your son sees or says “bad words.” And you have the right idea with just letting it go when he says them. What’s so bad about them anyway? They are just words. 🙂
Just today my 4 year old said “I can’t get this goddamn box open.” That’s a classic phrase that my dad says, so I can’t say I was totally surprised to hear it, although it did make me chuckle a bit. I know it would offend some people but whatever! Those people must not be my real friends.
thanks. I was kind of being sarcastic when I said I was a bad mother. I’m just aware of the people thinking that.
I think they’re just words too. I tell them they’re “adult” words not “bad” words. Works for us.
I’m so stoked you’re reading my blog. I love yours!
Ok good. Just wanted you to know that some of us aren’t judging you. 🙂 Thanks again for the support on my blog!