Silas was out on the playground in our complex the other day. Juliet noticed a hive on his chin so I let him have a shower to wash off any residue (he often gets hives from things). After the shower I noticed some red bumps on his neck but thought he still looked OK. Hours later the hive started growing legs and spreading so we took some Benadryl. He’s was OK but the hive was beet red for hours after. Definitely looked like a peanut hive.
Not a big deal, just a friendly reminder of a stupid allergy that can attack him anywhere, even right outside my front door. Just makes me feel like I’ve been hit by a train. My heart breaks each time it happens. It’s almost too much. I’m just glad it wasn’t a big deal. It still hurts deeply though.
I’m a member of a peanut allergy discussion board and a lot of the parents on there don’t take their kids to public playgrounds anymore because of the reactions. One person said that the contact reactions aren’t dangerous but I’m scared of his hands going into his mouth. They don’t usually but sometimes they do.
It just sucks. I don’t know what to do about it. There’s a beautiful playground right outside my front door that he’s always asking to play on. I don’t know if there’s risk there for him, I don’t know if I can ask strata to ban peanut products around that area..how do you enforce that? A kid the other day tried to feed Silas a peanut candy and Brent was there JUST in time to stop it.
The amount my heart hurts from this allergy seems to grow all of the time. It doesn’t get easier to manage. I’m OK with feeding him in our house, that’s easy because I’ve always cooked from scratch but the educating people and staying on top of things when we leave the safety of our home. Trying to not feel awful and guilty when we turn down a person’s food. Trying not to blush from the awkwardness of the situation.
I dread school, I dread most birthday parties and vacations, being invited over for supper, family get-together’s. It’s all had the fun sucked right out of it because I constantly have to worry and dread and make people uncomfortable or offended. I know that Brent and I are the only people that remember this allergy 100% of the time so I have to not let myself trust people 100%. It’s hard to do that. I want to trust everyone who loves him but like me, we all make mistakes. I’m so thankful for people who try so hard for him but I’m dreading the parents who wont care. I’m dreading having to leave a birthday party because the parent didn’t care. I’m dreading the tears when Silas has to turn down all the treats the other kids are enjoying freely.
My little pumpkin deserves everything the world has to offer and it just sucks to know that there’s a damper on that. Food is a big issue and people have massive attachments to certain foods. He’s going to be left out sometimes. He’s not going to be able to go to Bible College like me and do the midnight Tim Hortons runs with his friends. He can’t be the impulsive teenager and young adult that he should be. I DREAD with all of my heart the experimental phase. Will he get drunk or smoke some pot and eat something he shouldn’t?
Anyway, I’m hurting about this a lot this week. I sometimes go for weeks without having to really think much on it but then a reaction happens and it starts all over again.
For those of you that pray, can you keep us in those prayers? Pray he’ll grow out of it, that I’ll never have to use that dreaded Epipen on him, that we can find creative ways to help him feel like a typical kid.