This is a topic Leanne and I were discussing this weekend. How to teach our kids a healthy view of sexuality.
I’m a firm believer in having sexuality celebrated in our home. I’m not too sure how I will do it but I know I want it to be that way. I do not want to be the type of family who gives their kid “the talk” and then is done with it. I want to be open and honest and I also want my kids to feel like I’m a safe person to come to when they need to talk about it.
I’m a very open person but it’s not just because I am open that I want my kids to see a certain side of my sexuality with my husband. I do not want to be 100% private about it at all. Not saying, obviously, that we’re going to be blatant about it, but yes, showing signs that we’re attracted to each other, that we do spend time alone, and yes, smooching and cuddling and winking at each other around the kids. Perhaps the father making comments about the mother in a semi sexual manner. In healthy ways.
The problem I see with hiding your sexuality is that it become this taboo thing. Kids also never have much of an idea of how their parents sex lives is. I think them at least knowing it’s healthy and alive is a good thing for the kids to know. But of course…boundaries boundaries boundaries. Of course.
What does it say to young girls and boys to never see their parents hit on each other? What else does it say to them to only seeing their father comment on hot women in a movie or check out a lady in a mall? Yes we all do those things. I think, even though it’s a weird idea, that it’s much healthier for the children to see those comments go towards the other spouse than the plastic women on tv or in magazines. As much as it grosses the children out to see. Makey sensey?
I’m not too sure, though, how to go about them knowing what sex actually is. Is it really necessary to keep the whole penis-goes-into-the-vagina thing a secret from them and then put that on them with this crazy conversation that usually makes them feel frightened and scared? I was mortified myself. Preserving innocence is one thing but sexuality IS innocent. Of course I’m not going to be watching sex scenes in a movie with my young children and eventually I’ll have to stop letting them listen to pop music because they might figure out what that “disco stick” really is. But perhaps a boy knowing that his penis is for making babies isn’t such a terrible thing. The fact that it goes somewhere warm and cozy to accomplish the baby making….I dunno when it’s the best time to announce that. I wonder if they just always knew?? Is that bad? I dunno.
All I do know is I don’t want to be old school about it with the one talk and the hiding of it. I want my kids to know that despite what the media says, sexuality within marriage can be happy and healthy and excellent. I want them to not see it as something taboo or something wrong but something to be celebrated and embraced. Of course I’ll encourage for them to save it all for when they’re married, but knowing what I know about humans…I aint counting on it.
K perhaps I should have spent more time on this, I think I’ll come back to it because it IS a big issue these days. I want my boys to know how to respect women, I want them to know and truly believe in the fact that being promiscuous isn’t the best thing for them. I want them to see their father being attracted to a normal looking woman rather than only the plastic ones on TV. I want them to be comfortable with themselves and with me.
I think I’m going to do more reading on this topic and some more discussing with other parents and come back to it. But for now, I’d love to hear what you all think about it. Agree, dissagree…etc etc etc.