Our Autism Story Part II

Part one is here

Silas took to solids just fine.  He’d eat a variety of foods.  They always had to be pureed though, always.  When other kids his age were eating more solid things Silas was still eating very simple baby foods.  Of course he knew his way around a cheerio and mushy things.  He couldn’t chew an apple up until he was about two and a half.  He also never spit food back out, once you got it in his mouth he would have to swallow it.  He’d stuff his mouth REALLY full of food and he would never be able to chew something fully.  He’d chew it partially and then swallow it…it looked like it really hurt.  Even if it was just a little bit of food.

Feeding was a weird thing with Silas though.  I used to give people proper instructions to feed him, I forget what they were now, or Silas would have a fit.  My mom would look at me like I’m nuts and just go feed him how she would feed any child, it often ended in a fit.  I remember Jill attempting to feed him one Christmas.  He was over a year old and still on pureed food.  I was calling to her from across the room telling her she was doing it wrong and that’s why he just wasn’t eating it.  He was screaming and crying.  We were walking on eggshells for him without even knowing it.  I was insulted when people thought I was weird for telling them exactly how he needs to eat.  Wasn’t every baby like this?  I had no clue.

Silas crawled right on time, if not early.  He was a super duper power crawler boy.  People would say how fast he would crawl.  He would look straight down at the floor and watch it go by.  Even past the time he was walking he’d still drop to his knees on a new floor, put his nose down close to it and watch it go by as he crawled REALLY fast.  He would crawl right in to things because all he’d watch is the floor go by.  “Quirky” I thought.

Silas wouldn’t notice things like other kids would.  I began walking in the mornings with my friend Ashleigh.  Her daughter, only 3 days older than Silas, would point at the birds and look up when an airplane flew by.  Silas seemed oblivious, completely unaware.  He had never taken note of a bird or an airplane.  I decided then and there that some kids were interested in certain things and some kids interested in others.  Silas could sing like no tomorrow, singing full songs that no baby should be able to sing.  He was interested in Singing, not talking and airplanes and birdies.

At about 10 months Silas began to bash his head on the floor when he was mad.  It was an awful sight to see.  It broke my heart to see my son so mad that he would hurt himself.  Person after person told me it was a normal thing to do so I just let him, hoping that he would hurt himself enough to not want to do it again.

At times I would be with my sis in law Leanne.  Silas would do something odd and we’d look at him and just wonder what on Earth was going on with him.  The word Autism came up many many many times.  But then we’d say “but he snuggles”  “but he makes eye contact”.  Then we’d leave it at that.

Leanne even once said “I bet if Silas was an abused child he would have autism”.  I found that to be an interesting statement.  I know for sure his autism would be a million times more apparent.

Jill and I were talking on the phone yesterday, about this stage of Silas’ life.  About how it was so stinking obvious but we just didn’t put the puzzle together yet.  We both concluded, though, that Silas is far more high functioning than he was when he was a baby.  “Less autistic”.  He was SO within himself as a baby that he wouldn’t let me play with him.  I tried and he would just cry.  From the day he was born, Silas has slowly been emerging from within himself.  How lucky am I for that?

Sometimes I wonder if it was that delivery.  There is a test we can do to find out.  It will break my heart if that’s what caused this.  But the fact that he’s slowly emerging, perhaps his brain is slowly healing itself from damage done due to lack of oxygen, the trauma and the force of the forceps.  We’ll find out soon.

Stay tuned for part III.


  1. WOW! I didn’t know you could do a test…hardcore. Does it matter? Oh gosh i’m having weird up and down feelings about this…not that it’s my deal, I just didn’t know.
    What kind of test is it?

  2. I’m having all the same reactions as Jill. Maybe it does matter. If his birth experience caused his autism, having more children is a possibility. Not that you’d want to – but at least that option is there.

  3. Jennie is right about it opening up the possibility of having a third child. My heart does this little achy thing when I think about it. Right now I’m not ready for another child but who knows 4 years down the road?

    I’m up and down about it too Jill. I think I would hurt badly to know if it was my insistence on having a natural delivery that caused all of this. But then how could I have known? That was the dr’s fault and knowing this could help educate his delivery dr. about what can happen.

    What it is is we would take him to a Dr Amen clinic in WA where he would get a brain scan. The benefits of the brain scan would be that it could tell us exactly what parts of his brain are working and which aren’t. It’ll give us information we can use even down to how we should be feeding the lad. They also can see if he has something called “toxic” brain which is caused by low oxygen at birth. They would treat it with a hyperbaric chamber and it would help reverse the damage that was done.

    The benefits are endless. Now just to raise the $$. I think it would be around $2000 USD minimum.

  4. I know that I thought long and hard about whether we would use forceps, etc for Owen’s delivery because of Silas’ delivery. I think knowing would be helpful for future delivery’s – a natural birth isn’t the prime objective, which SO many women don’t think about. A healthy child is the prime objective.

  5. My son has a friend on our block that is known to be “different”. Even his ptenras are very upfront about him being a different kind of a kid. After reading this I googled Asperger’s Syndrome and it describes him to the tee! Now I just have to think of a tactful way to mention I stumbled upon this info next time I talk to his mom..or should I..Ugghh.I’m glad you have discovered a world of support Tara. To be understood, and to know you’re not the only one dealing with this has got to be so relieving.~hugs!~

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