Shattering Into Pieces

Last night I had the shock of my life.  I cooked supper and threw some peanut sauce on our stir fry without thinking.  I thought about it for a second and then thought it should be ok for Silas to have a little this time.  I’ve been avoiding peanuts because there’s so many allergies in our family.  At the last second I decided to rinse Silas’ stuff off a bit just to lessen the exposure for him.  A few moments of eating and he was bright red around his mouth and he was scratching at his neck.  I was on hold with the BC nurse line for what seemed hours, because his lips were starting to swell we needed to go to the ER so off we went.  By the time we got checked out he only had a few hives left on his tummy and neck.  Doc said go home, give him some Benadryl and go to our doctor.

This morning we were able to get in to see our doc right away.  He prescribed us and epipen and voila, our lives are drastically changed.  We see an allergist soon, I don’t know when yet.  I’m taking him to a natureopath asap no matter the cost.  I’ll go into debt for him.  I trust what they do with allergies.

For those of you who don’t know, because Silas had one reaction he could now be completely sensitized to peanuts and the next time he could go into anaphalktic shock and die.  It’s SO serious.

I write this through tears, my heart is shattering over and over and over again.  I hate what this means.  Not only does my poor boy have to miss out on certain things, it inconveniences everyone around him.  No more eating out,  no peanuts around him anywhere.  I’m scared of the world now.  Scared someone will forget, scared people wont understand and be reckless with him.  I don’t trust anyone anywhere.  I’m scared to be on an airplane, scared to take him to the mall.  I suddenly have a new enemy.

I’m terrified right now, I feel like throwing up.  I’ve felt I’ve done my best to avoid this but genetics play a massive roll in this.  I’m praying so hard for God to take this away.  I’m mad that my child is in danger because of some stupid nut.  I’m mad that it’s even allowed to be in food with so many children having to be alienated from the world because of it.  My husband is on his way home, I hardly feel like I can function right now.  I need to nurse my poor Isaac now.  Speaking of which, Dr Harder said that the folds under his eyes mean allergies too.  I remember Silas having these folds as well.  Great.

Just so you know, from now on if anyone brings anything that’s even touched a peanut near my son I’m going to go apeshit so don’t push it.


  1. Wow, allergies are so scary. *pets you* At least the allergies are manageable. You know what it is, you know what to look for and you’re a great mum so you’ll be careful.



  2. Leah, I am so sorry. That is definatley a huge thing, I can’t imagine all the things running through your mind. I will pray for you guys.

  3. Terrible news. Would an allergist be able to determine the severity of his allergy? Sorry if that sounds like a ridiculous question, but I honestly don’t know. My mother, quite a few years ago, ate a kiwi and had a severe reaction to it. Her blood pressure went so high she almost had a stroke. The strange thing is, she had eaten kiwi all her life. Needless to say, she stays far away from them now. It seems so many kids these days are allergic to peanuts. My kids’ school has peanut-free rooms and a peanut-free area in the lunchroom. It’s such a worry for a lot of people. Thinking of you all . . .

  4. (found you on my google blog alerts for peanut allergies)

    I’ve got a ton of resources for peanut allergies on my blog, including lots of helpful forums and fellow allergic mom bloggers.

    It’s terrifying but you’ll be able to handle it, because you’ll have to. And yes, the RAST blood test (google the term) will tell you just how allergic he is. It’s a score from 0 (no allergy) to 100 (my kid scores over 100 for peanuts).

    Get your baby allergy tested too. My first kid was a terrible nurser and sleeper because his allergies were bugging him so much.

    And when you miss peanut butter (get it out of the house asap!), sunbutter is a pretty tasty replacement.

  5. There are many of us who have been (and still are) in your shoes. You are in good company.

    It is scary but it is managable and truly is a new way of life. At first, it can be overwhelming but later, it’s ok. You will be able to handle it!

    There is a lot of support and wonderful information out there. Here’s a link to an article by Dr Robert Wood from Johns Hopkins on the “Best Test for Food Allergies”

    It compares skin vs rast.

    I’d recommend his excellent book “Food Allergies for Dummies” It is NOT for dummies but has a wealth of information that I’d wish I’d had years ago.

    Take care,

  6. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this difficult adjustment. Since you mentioned naturopathic treatment, I wanted to make a suggestion for you. The naturopath I work with is trained in a special allergy treatment protocol, and she has had great success with peanut allergies (although it may not disappear completely in some cases, the reaction is lessened so that it’s not life-threatening). Take a look at the web site at and see if there is a practitioner in your area. It might be worth investigating.

    Stay strong. Your little guy is judging how he should react to this news by gauging your reaction, and you can help him cope by giving him a positive role model. And know that moms everywhere are giving you (virtual) support and strength so that you can keep going. We’re with you!


  7. A friend of mine at has a son with allergies to EVERYTHING. Seriously – food and skin allergies. She’s a great girl to talk to if you’re feeling frustrated about it… and she’ll be able to share horror stories with you about people who just don’t understand (if you’re into that, anyway).

    I’m sorry to hear about your news. It’s so sad when something like this happens.

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