What Our Tantrums Are Like

Oh my, Silas just tantrumed forrrrr….30 minutes.  Yup…30.  I didn’t sustain any injuries but that’s partly because I locked Isaac and I in the bathroom.  Then, dodging Silas, I ran and locked us in Isaac’s bedroom, holding the door closed with my feet so I could safely get clothes on Isaac and get him into his crib without harm being done to him. I shed a few tears as I felt the door thumping with Silas’ head and hearing his cries of pain as he does it over and over, unable to stop.

I sound pretty mean locking my own son out of a room but you have to protect those that can’t protect themselves.  Ikey clung to me, scared and crying because Silas did get in a swipe or to before I thought to lock the bathroom door.

Yes I hide from my three year old son.  How else do I keep Isaac safe?

It all started with me trying to upload a video of Silas which I’ll show at the end of this blog.  He wanted to watch videos on youtube and I said he could not.  We’ve had too much screen time lately, enough is enough.

I had to restrain him for a good five minutes before deciding to take it to the bathroom so I could at least try to accomplish brushing his teeth.  He was trying to head butt, scratch, pinch, hit, kick.  I’m glad he’s not also a biter.  He managed to brush his teeth a little but in walks Ikey, innocently wanting to have his teeth done too.  That’s when I had to lock us in the bathroom.

Sometimes I feel like all of us get too rough with it.  Sometimes the only thing I can do to keep Isaac safe is give Silas a shove far enough to gain space between us so I can stick up a baby gate or close a door.  He asks for it though, he comes back screaming and smiling all at the same time, wanting me to push him.  Sometimes he’ll stick his fingers in the baby gate so it pinches them as I close it.  He’s rarely successful with it because I know what’s coming.

It’s hard because Ikey cannot really be left alone but he can be around Silas during these freak outs.  Last time I let him wander aimlessly I ended up with permanent marker all over the keyboard and desk that sit infront of me right now.

It’s tough.

They’re both safely in their rooms now.  Isaac’s most likely forgotten what just happened.  I hope hope hope he doesn’t end up with something from his brother being such a tyrant.  Some siblings end up with PTSD (post traumatic Stress Disorder) from the violence and chaos.

The other day Brent was SO furious with Silas’ tantrum that he just took off his own glasses, closed his eyes and let Silas wallop him.  I’m not sure what made him want to try this but Silas hit him three times, got really quiet and then looked at Brent right in the eyes.  He came closer and closer, holding the stare, until their noses touched and then asked for a cuddle.  It was over.

Is this my child’s sadistic way of getting attention?  Do I not give enough?

Anyway, that’s what tantrums in my house are like.  Lots of violence, lots of restraining Silas.  Silas’ forehead his bruised from slamming it on anything he can think of.  It lasts sometimes 2 minutes and sometimes over an hour.  I never know when he’s about to fly off the handle and when he’s not.  It sometimes doesn’t happen once a day but it usually happens around 5-10, sometimes mpre.  At this point, I’d gladly give that kid medicine to make it all stop.

I find myself straying farther and farther away from my parenting beliefs to just giving into him because it’ll save us from another tantrum, it’ll save my nose from being smashed or Isaac being pushed.

Alas, medicine in my mind is the last resort.  We’ll try everything including all the funny business lots of people do not believe in.

I can’t wait to have a therapist in here during the day.  I feel a break in the clouds very very very soon.  The place I’ve contacted to do Silas’ therapy sounds amazing.  More about that later.

On a happier note!!  The autistic brain is an interesting machine.  How many of you, those who haven’t ever tried this really, can say the ABC’s backwards without giving it much thought?  Without having to go forwards to find each letter?

I asked Silas the other day if he could do it, using simple language of course, he started to and lost interest.  I think Jennie tried it with him a few times here and there as well.  Last night we were skyping with my parents and I asked him to do it and he quickly recited all of it.  I’m pretty sure he was right, he went too fast for my brain to follow along.  This morning I caught it on the webcam.  He went slower this time but, still, it’s pretty wild.

I’m assuming that, like Temple Grandin, it’s playing through his head like a movie, or he sees it as a picture.  What other 3 year old can just DO that without first learning how it goes?  I’m sure there’s some, but I’m sure they also are very like-minded.


  1. I cannot imagine what you go through in times like these. My heart goes out to you. After Kelly gave birth, I ‘ve understood how hard it is to raise a child, let alone one that has autism.

    I think you’re pretty strong though. Something about you, I think…. even though there are times when you think it doesn’t show, or you don’t feel it.

    I really admire you as a parent. Just reading how you go about and handle things. I really like that you’re not so keen on using meds RIGHT away, like you’re looking for just the easiest way out.

    I feel your struggle in your writing sometimes, and it just sucks, that I’m so helpless and can’t do anything to help you.

    Yea I know I know, we always get fed that saying “you have your good days, and your bad ones” but man….unless someone is going through what you are, that’s easier said than understood.

    lotsa lotsa hugs for you!!!!!

  2. Oh how I can relate- but the good news is the therapy WILL help with all of this! My son’s behavior issues have reduced a lot since we started therapy. They will teach you how to deal with him when he is that way and at the same time keep you and your baby safe. It does get better- therapy will help so much- just give it some time……..XOXOXOXOXOXOX
    Silas is amazing! The ABC’s backwards- wow! My son can put letters on the floor like that but has never said them backwards 🙂

  3. Yeah – I taught him to say the ABC’s backwards! Ha ha. NOT! After he laid them out on the floor I sang them backwards a couple times and called them the “CBA’s” – just to see what would happen. That’s all.

  4. Sorry things are so hard for you guys right now. Hopefully, the therapist can offer some help. I’m sure you have seen this site before, but Aidan LOVES it and it’s easier for me to justify him playing the game instead of watching TV or video’s.


    It’s put out by the home school network and starts with beginning sounds and goes all the way up to simple reading. There are lots of things to print out too. Pretty neat stuff, and it’s all free! Even better!

  5. That is just so amazing I can hardly believe it…and He’s sooo cute…thanks for bringing him to the screen for me to see.

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