I’m a tough love kind of person. I’m very tender and very loving towards people but I’m also a bit tough about certain things, I get it from my mom. When it comes to Silas’ tantrums, my first instinct is to say “too bad” and walk away. My mother-in-law pointed out to me that my darling 15 month old needs a little help dealing with his emotions as he isn’t capable of dealing with them properly. I have trouble drawing a line with how tender I should be towards him in those moments. He deals with his frustration with banging his head so I know he’s got some capabilities. I’m proud of him for being able to smash his head on the floor, as violent as it sounds, and then get on with his playing. I’m glad he can show his emotions like that. I know one thing I will NOT do, is give in to his tantrums. The worst thing is to reward him for those actions. So how do we deal with them? I put his favorite music on, cuddle him, give him his smushy, and sometimes a soother. What if he’s having a tantrum because he just wants to be held? Then I can’t pick him up!! AHHHHH! I really am stumped here.
The past few days Silas will not allow me to go into the kitchen. Let me re-word that, he doesn’t want me in the kitchen. I’m the boss, I go where I want. The computer is in the kitchen and I wonder if I’ve just spent too much time on the computer and not with him and he’s fed up? Lately, I go in to get a cup of coffee and suddenly I’m tripping over a screaming toddler. I’m in here two seconds and it’s suddenly a big battle. I can’t NOT come in the kitchen. I still need to do things in here that are part of keeping my household running and I don’t want his behavior to stop me from keeping our household running smoothly. I’m just scared he’s feeling rejected though. I would hate that. I just hope I haven’t made him into the mommy in the kitchen hater that he is. I feel somewhat guilty about it though, have I created a monster? How come this job comes with so much guilt?
Anyway, I really am being patient in spending lots of time with him. I will say “rooster cockadoodledoo” every time he points at it in his book (which ends up to be about 50 times). We are spending a lot more time together which is a little against my better judgment but I realize he’s entering a more social stage in his development. Although, now that I’m spending more time with him he is getting more demanding of me. Goodness, with kids this age, you’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Any suggestions are greatly apreciated. Telling me I’m messing up with something is fine, I can’t have pride about my mothering skills because my main focus is on being a good mommy for Silas, not a good mommy for me. I’m all about getting some criticism here and there.
I keep getting little toes in my ribs, someone’s cruising for a bruising!
This is totally off topic but I just had to tell someone that Silas is in his highchair singing along to Bed Of Roses by Bon Jovi. I’m such a proud mommy!
WOOT WOOT!!! Number 3000!!! When your famous remember the little ones who got you to 3000!!! hahaha!
Thanks for being so honest in your blog babycakes!
That is one of the many things makes you so awesome, your real! Love ya! MUAH(kiss)!
Well sweetie – I think that A kind word and recognition of Silas hanging on to you in the kitchen is all that is necessary. He will eventually realize that there is no connection to the kitchen and his need for attention. Keeping track of these little dilemnas and then seeing their resolution will help you see that everything you have been concerned about has turned out positive – you’re an awesome mummy – believe in yourself. . .Mummy
You’re a horrible mother and should have never been issued a parenting license…
…NOT!
(Was that funny? It sounded funny when I wrote it, but I wasn’t really sure. Just pretend it was funny, K?)
Seriously…
Amazingly you’ll do just fine. If you are honest here (which I think you are) and you’re not omitting the “no wire hangers” moments then Silas and Silas, The Sequel will be just fine. You’re a better mother than most.
I can’t help you with your situation because I have yet to have this child that is inside me, but I do know that you seem like such an awesome mom. Especially because you take time out to try and figure out what you should or shouldn’t do when it comes to your child. Some could care less.
Good luck! 🙂
It’s a classic case of wanting my child to have better than I did when I was little. Lets just hope I don’t make a bunch of over-achievers out of my little brats. Good thing I’m conscious about that too or we’d have a mess!
I love reading your blog because I see myself in a lot of what you write. I am having the same problem with my son (2yrs) and the computer. That little stinker just wants to touch it all the time and hates it when I am on there. I also find myself spending lots more time with him, reading the same book over and over and over and over again. The thing that I’ve observed that tells me that he’ll be okay is that when he is around other kids, he forgets about me altogether… which does make me feel like, “hey” you DO have a mother! I am also a very proud mommie and whenever he does something he’s not supposed to, I am the proud mommie first, clean up mommie second, corrective mommie third. When he called 911 (emergency # in the states), I was mortified mommie when the police came!
Ha ha, my sister’s son called 911 once. It’s an emergency # in Canada too. Kids sure loved the phone, we have an old cordless that we keep charged so he can hear the beeps but not actually call anyone.
I haven’t finished the book yet, but it was recommended to us … Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Would love to hear anyone else’s opinion on it.
WOAH! That’s such a great idea! (The cordless phone that’s charged but not plugged into the phone line) I never thought of that! Thanks for the tip!!
I have much the same attitude as you about tantrums, and about Mom being the boss… yet dearly not wanting my dc to ever feel rejected.
Sometimes — many times — you just have to keep parenting wisely even when the child doesn’t get it. Like, my 11 month old daughter can be really demanding, screeching when she doesn’t get her way. So, I’ll just say, “You mean, ‘Please, Mama.'” And hold it back for a second or two. Of course, there’s no way she’s going to understand right now that she needs to say please, but I repeat that and repeat it and repeat it. Same with thank you. Same with demonstrating “gentle hands” and other niceties that she just has no grid for yet.
It’s a fine line: I want my kids to know that they can depend on me, and that I love to do things that make them happy, but that I’m not going to bow down to their every whim.
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