I Love Silas

Oh my darling Silas, he’s growing farther and farther away from my womb.  It’s a strange feeling to see him becoming his own person.  I delight in watching him grow and change and learn.  I’m really seeing how much he isn’t my own but he’s in fact his own.  What a blessing it is to be the person chosen to teach him and nurture him.

Sometimes I think parents see their children as possessions, something they own and something they can do whatever they want with.  Not always taking into consideration the child’s best interests.  I’m not perfect by any means but I think really realizing that Silas is going to one day be an adult, that his life is not my own, it’s just my responsibility.  I really hope I’m looking to his best interests, what will be best in the long run and not easy fixes.

Silas is such a creative boy.  I can see now he’s going to have a bit of trouble with our normal school system.  He thinks outside the box, wanting to play with a toy in every other way than what it’s meant for.  He’s unusually friendly with strangers saying hi to everyone, telling them he loves them.  He sings constantly and he knows to words to so many songs now, I can’t even count.  He can sing the ABC’s perfectly and will sing “Down in the River” and make up his own songs.  He can memorize songs quick like his mommy.  I love it.  A few days ago he was yell singing “HALLELUJAH” from Jeff Buckley’s song as loud as he could in the grocery store, too cute.

My boy loves excitement, danger, things that will startle him.  He thinks it’s funny when he hurts himself a little.  The other day I was trying to get some tight shorts on him and I pulled on his leg a little and pulled up the shorts when his entire hip joint came right out and went right back in.  I was horrified but my little kiddo thought this was hilarious.  I was sick to my stomach for a good hour after that one.

Sometimes I look at my little Silas and wonder where he came from.  Was he really a baby?  Did I really just spend the last two years caring for him?  Where has that time gone?  Sometimes he seems like a stranger to me.  Growing so fast that I can’t even keep up with him.

All I know about this boy is that I love him so much that it might be the death of me.  I love him so much that I hurt from it.  I feel incredibly blessed and unworthy to have someone so special in my life.  Please don’t pinch me, I’d rather not wake up from this dream.

7 comments

  1. Isn’t it amazing how they become themselves?

    I have this quote in my office.

    Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

    So true.

  2. this is a cute post. loved that video where he wanted your chile dog. how can you say no to that? anyway. by crawling, i meant craaaaaawling. she got up on her elbows and her knees and moved forwards a little bit. then she didn’t do it for me anymore until her papa came home and then she showed off for him for 2 seconds and hasn’t done it since. i don’t know what to make of it!!! it was definitely crawling. she’s definitely teething.. and i don’t know what to expect next. yikes!

  3. i know. i was amazed. she has been holding her head up since she was about 8 weeks old and she had been very active with her feet, such as kicking and grabbing her feet, etc.. but now when she is on her tummy… she will scoot herself and lean up on her knees and kick herself a few inches ahead. i mean, it’s not like she is crawling around the room but she definitely knows what she is doing.. if not, she acts like it. lol.

  4. ikey is so cute though. i love when babies are so healthy. cailyn is bigger than most babies 3 & 4 months old. she’s very long. i don’t know where she got that from. i’m only five two.

  5. I’ve been a mother for 32 yrs. that is a long time to have my heart “out there”, and its not always easy especially when the heart is so far away. I’m so proud of “my heart” out there, I’m glad we had all four of them.And then we got you too Leah and your beautiful babies.!!!!!

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