I have this problem and I really don’t know how to make it better. It’s a major major flaw that I have a hard time even wanting to change. I never ever ever get out. I seriously can be locked in my house for a week and hardly notice that I haven’t left. Once I am out I’m sooo happy and I love it sooo much but for some reason, getting myself out the door with the kids is like pulling teeth. Actually, deciding to do it is pulling teeth. Actually doing it really isn’t that hard at all.
I know my kids suffer from this. I know I’d be a better mom if we got out more. I actually said I would get out more when we moved into this place because my car is right outside the door so I can just up and leave with the kids so easy. I realized there’s more of an underlying issue than just the proximity of my vehicle.
I seriously have a playground right outside my front door to which I have brought Silas…once. Well once during the day while I’m alone. That’s terrible, dreadful.
I keep saying that once certain things happen then I’ll get out more. Like right now with nursing and lots of naps it’s hard to get out but is that really the truth? I really don’t think that it’s my kids that are keeping me inside. It’s always my excuse that I give myself and everyone else around me. Or is it? I really don’t know. All I know it that I do not want to decide to leave my house.
I love being outside. I love being around tons of people, I’m an extrovert, I get energy from being around people. I love the wind and the sun and the rain and I love the mall and the grocery store and visiting friends. Why the heck am I locking myself inside my home? I do visit with people but I almost always ensure they come to my house. That started way back in the day, Courtenay can testify that I do indeed like having people over to my own place rather than going to theirs. We were neighbours and best friends and I hardly stepped foot in her house and she was like another daughter to my mom.
Perhaps it is my kids. I really don’t have a problem going out with Jennie to exercise and I really don’t have a problem getting out of the house if there’s someone here to help me. Perhaps I’ve made up my mind that it’s too hard to get out with the kids even when practically I know it’s no problem, I’ve done it before and it actually isn’t the worst thing.
Anyway, it is a problem. Some say it’s why Silas freaks out so often. I’ve felt judged for it which makes me want to close myself up even more. Any of you people out there therapists? I usually can figure myself out but this thing is big and weird and it’s something I’m comfortably uncomfortable in. I know I have some social anxiety, there’s a select few people I can actually call on the phone and my whole body breaks out in a sweat when I’m uncomfortable socially. I actually sweat more socializing than running.
Any suggestions or perhaps some who can relate?
you can come to Sophia’s birthday party!!!! There’s an opportunity to get out and eat some cake
Perhaps staying at home makes you feel safe. Going out with the kids, you risk getting into a situation that may feel out of control or difficult to handle. And Silas might be picking up your anxiety, which causes him to get anxious too. Just thinking outloud… 🙂
Oh I forgot something. I want to add that I admire your honesty. You don’t deny a problem, you face it square on and try to come up with a solution or explanation for the behavior. Most people don’t bother. So good on you!
Hmm… I would say it could be a bit of depression – or it could be the work involved just so you feel ready to be outside of the house. It is easier to stay in – but, like you, once I’m out of the house with my Little Dude, I realize how easy it can be to be out and about with him. I’ll have to wait and see if you get any really good answers, maybe they can figure out why I don’t go out with my little guy when I’m alone, too…
I find that Deeder helps me get out. My tendency is also to stay inside, even though I think I love being out. My fam has memories of me being a big extrovert but in reality I’m a self conscious person who feels fat and tired. (Don’t spread it around!)
Deeder turns into a terrible pot of fussy crying angriness if I don’t take him out of the house at least once every day so that’s what get’s my butt out of the house–and I’m glad for it.
Just do it!
Take Silas to the park, and then come back home and blog about it 😛
Just do it…so easy to say isn’t it?
What about baby steps? If you think it would help you could try taking the kids somewhere you know you will be comfortable and you can completely be yourself – like your mom’s or your sisters’ or something. Then gradually go up from there.
For a non-parent I got pretty good at getting out when I was a nanny with two kids in tow. It was a huge requirement – the mom wanted them out every single day rain or shine. Groan! It was good, but hard. So I have experiences of going to really crowded places and running around like a mad woman trying to keep a hyper three year old and newly walking 15 month old together. That was the most stressful job of my life (until the day I finally become a parent!), and I’m thinking that if I had had the choice I would have wanted to stay at home all the time too.
I have this problem. I’m such a home body. I hate leaving, I’m comfortable in my home. Plus…. I sit and think about all the dumb things like…. if baby gets crabby and I can’t nurse (cuz our stores don’t have benches to sit on or places to hide and nurse – small town life), what if the water is too cold for a bottle and he’s mad or if I just pack him around then it’s no fun anyway. I guess all my decisions are made based on baby. He hates being in his car seat so getting out the door is awful, he screams and arches his back and pushes on the buckles. So I always think…. why bother, it’s SO much easier to stay home, everything I need is here, why leave? Maybe we can challenge each other once a week to get out and do something…. anything.
ya, I think about all the what ifs too
I think I know what you’re talking about. Sometimes it feels like a a huge mountain to climb to want to get out. I struggle with this too. If I didn’t have friends calling me to go for a walk (or whatever) every couple of days I probably would hardly leave the house! Sometimes I actually NEED to stay home. Someone suggested to me that there are two kinds of people: those who get their energy from socializing and those who get their energy from being alone and spend it while socializing. But with Ephram at home, it can take me 6 hours to get to the point where I get 10 minutes alone…so even when I’m home I can’t “gather” any energy.
Its because Nuggets go good with Ketchup. You just need to find your Ketchup! It used to be me, but soon it will be Silas saying “Outside!” 1000 times a day and you’ll give in.