I have this problem and I really don’t know how to make it better. It’s a major major flaw that I have a hard time even wanting to change. I never ever ever get out. I seriously can be locked in my house for a week and hardly notice that I haven’t left. Once I am out I’m sooo happy and I love it sooo much but for some reason, getting myself out the door with the kids is like pulling teeth. Actually, deciding to do it is pulling teeth. Actually doing it really isn’t that hard at all.
I know my kids suffer from this. I know I’d be a better mom if we got out more. I actually said I would get out more when we moved into this place because my car is right outside the door so I can just up and leave with the kids so easy. I realized there’s more of an underlying issue than just the proximity of my vehicle.
I seriously have a playground right outside my front door to which I have brought Silas…once. Well once during the day while I’m alone. That’s terrible, dreadful.
I keep saying that once certain things happen then I’ll get out more. Like right now with nursing and lots of naps it’s hard to get out but is that really the truth? I really don’t think that it’s my kids that are keeping me inside. It’s always my excuse that I give myself and everyone else around me. Or is it? I really don’t know. All I know it that I do not want to decide to leave my house.
I love being outside. I love being around tons of people, I’m an extrovert, I get energy from being around people. I love the wind and the sun and the rain and I love the mall and the grocery store and visiting friends. Why the heck am I locking myself inside my home? I do visit with people but I almost always ensure they come to my house. That started way back in the day, Courtenay can testify that I do indeed like having people over to my own place rather than going to theirs. We were neighbours and best friends and I hardly stepped foot in her house and she was like another daughter to my mom.
Perhaps it is my kids. I really don’t have a problem going out with Jennie to exercise and I really don’t have a problem getting out of the house if there’s someone here to help me. Perhaps I’ve made up my mind that it’s too hard to get out with the kids even when practically I know it’s no problem, I’ve done it before and it actually isn’t the worst thing.
Anyway, it is a problem. Some say it’s why Silas freaks out so often. I’ve felt judged for it which makes me want to close myself up even more. Any of you people out there therapists? I usually can figure myself out but this thing is big and weird and it’s something I’m comfortably uncomfortable in. I know I have some social anxiety, there’s a select few people I can actually call on the phone and my whole body breaks out in a sweat when I’m uncomfortable socially. I actually sweat more socializing than running.
Any suggestions or perhaps some who can relate?