I think I’m softening. I’ve definitely inherited my mother’s “oh well” personality. I still call her after bad dreams and I hear an “oh well, it was just a dream”. Usually when Silas is freaking out about something stupid I’m usually the same way, “oh well”. I’ve never felt bad for letting him cry at night if it meant he’d be better at sleeping through the night. The problem now is he’s using words. Like at 6am when he decided he wanted to be up he was crying to me saying “CUCKLE CUCKLE”. Man, that’s enough to break your heart. He just wanted mommies cuddles. Luckily I calmed him down with some head rubs and a song. I said goodnight and he said it back and I went back to bed. He was quiet for at LEAST 10 minutes, grrr. I’m sure he was saying “oh well mommy”. So we cuddled.
My son was adorable going into the chiropractor’s office this morning. He said hi to everyone and was dancing to the music and hoping about like a delightful little child. Suddenly he was furious with me for saying no to something so now it’s temper tantrum time. With a room full of people no less. He did stop his tantrum to say hi to new people in the room but would then carry on pretend hitting me (he knows not to hit anymore and only does it every once in a while) and shrieking. You can tell who’s had children. It’s the people who smile at you knowingly or the ones who pay no attention and go on reading their magazines and whatnot. The people who haven’t had kids look increasingly irritated and throw glares at you from the corner of their eyes. Part of me is embarrassed because I know there’s someone in the room judging, if it wasn’t my kid I’d probably be judging. I always think of how I’d do things differently, to help me learn. Another part of me thinks “oh well” because there’s only so much you can do to stop an 18 month old from screaming and lately none of it really works. So I held him tightly and didn’t let him go. I was firm and tender and I didn’t back down. I did think for a moment to get his sucky so the annoyed people could have some relief and then I thought, no way! If he gets his sucky I’ll be dealing with a worse tantrum trying to get that thing out of his mouth. So am I doing what’s socially acceptable and should I carry on doing what I think I need to do to continue to teach my child right from wrong or should I give into him for the sanity of the people around me? Perhaps in church, libraries, movie theatres, etc but no, I don’t think I will in a waiting room. At least I was comforted by the knowing smiles of the people who’ve gone through this before me.
I told the chiro, once I got in there, that he had to put me into labour for real this time and not just pretend. He tried again so we’ll see. I love the endorphin rush I get right after a good adjustment, it’s like I’ve just had a really good laugh. He made me feel a lot better too, I really over-did it yesterday trying to accomplish my list. The grocery shop threw me over the edge though. Super store is so stinking big! By the end of it we’d spent 300 bucks and I was walking around like a very old woman.
Silas did something odd yesterday, I’m sure it’s just a sign of growing up but it seemed oddly profound to Brent and I. We were on our way to our apartment from the parking lot when I asked Silas for a kiss. Silas yelled “no” and slapped my face really hard. My reaction was an immediate and firm “no Silas” and he immediately turned and buried his face in Brent’s shoulder and left it there for the remainder of our walk down the hall. You could tell he was incredibly sorry and embarrassed. I’ve never seen that emotion in him before but I was happy to see it at that time. He was regretful when he really should have been. Anyway, an interesting event.
A quick congratulations to my darling nephew Lucas who crawled for the first time yesterday! This is a big thing for a preemie and I was so excited to see him doing it on my floor. Even though most of his motivation for crawling is getting into things he’s not supposed to, you can tell his mom is relieved. If you want to hear more about Lucas’ story and perhaps shed a tear or two, click on “Impressions by Leanne” in my blog roll or click here.
6 days left.