Pent Up

The past few days I’ve been feeling kind of pent up.  It’s a weird feeling, like I wanted to freak out all over the place.  I eventually gave into last night and just got really hyper…manic much??  *sigh* it was another one of those flashback thingies I’ve been getting, almost like that part of my brain that’s been lost is trying to re-boot…how weird??  Any psychologists reading??  Help??  Last night during my hyper period I just wanted to go play kick the can or something, remember that game?? On a warm summer’s night?  So fun and so freeing.  I miss being a teenager a lot.  So much fun to be had as a teenager.

More tears today, from me and from Isaac.  All about nursing.  I’m lost, I’m sad, I’m stuck, I’m at my wits end.  I don’t want to nurse him anymore but I REALLY don’t want to give him formula.  He’s nursing as I type.  He nurses best when he’s sleeping.  So I put him to sleep today after him and I cried about it all together…for the second time today.  GGRRRRRRRRRRR.  He wont take the bottle now, he did only once.  He gags when I barely stick it in his mouth.  I don’t blame him, I’d gag too…we have bad gag reflexes in our family, thanks mom.  I’ve contacted a lady from the le leche league and hopefully she can help.  I’m starting to go bonkers.  I guess I need to continue to be reassured that he’s getting enough milk.  He’s beyond the 97th percentile for weight.  That means he’s pretty much one of the fattest three month olds….ever.   Odd huh?  He’s into 9 month clothes now and um…well the length is perfect for him and the width…well it’s good once the cotton stretches.  I don’t get it…imagine how large he’d be if he nursed well?  He gets SO stressed while nursing and becomes his own worst enemy.  He kinda breaks the suction around his lips so he sucks back air and swallows it or coughs and he just gets more and more mad.  I try and burp him and it sometimes works but sometimes doesn’t.  He wiggles and wiggles and wiggles which makes him break suction more and more.  Sometimes he’ll be totally calm and I’ll let down and he’ll wake up and cry and cry.  Even if I’m laying flat on my back he still does it.  He hates the let down.  Laying on my back can’t stop it.  This morning when he unlatched I got sprayed in the face…it’s intense.  Poor guy.  Poor me.  I hate this so much.  Silas went through a short phase but wasn’t nearly this difficult.  We was a pro at nursing.  I know Ikey can too…I’ve seen him handle my let downs before, he has to swallow with every suck but he can do it, I’ve seen it numerous times.  Just most of the time he chooses to get upset about it.

Ike woke up and he smells like a pre-pubescent’s gym bag.  Residual sweat and um…mung and um…stale milk??  I just bathed him yesterday I think…nope the day before.   I guess that’s what happens when a person constantly sweats all over the place.  He’s gross…but cute.

Silas has his first Oreo today…he got covered with black goop.  It was pretty cute.  My little Silas, he’s so happy lately but when he’s not he screams like a school girl.  Like a freaking psycho school girl.  I cover his mouth when he does it.  It hurts the potatoes in my ears.

Last night Brent had to stop the movie we were watching because he was trying to burp Ike and Ike wouldn’t stop smiling at him…we couldn’t pay attention to the movie because Isaac was SO cute.  Yummy cuteness.  yum yum yum.

So mister stinky sweaty pants and I are going to have a dip in the shower.  His smell is getting to me, making me feel like a bad mother for having the smelly child.  Silas can go for days without a bath and he just smells better and better.  Except for his ears…anyone else’s kids have smelly ears?


  1. I would always spray each boob into a receiving blanket for about 20 seconds before giving it to Aidan. It seemed to make the latch on easier, and he tended not to get sprayed or gagged by too much milk. I would just do it with my hands. Good luck.

  2. I pump about 5 ounces off first 🙁 Just started doing that. It does make it better. That 5 ounces is ALL foremilk. I did what they told me to do on how to produce less foremilk but it wasn’t working. Pumping gets it done faster.

  3. I don’t what to say. My mother fed me baby cereal from a bottle at 6 weeks old. And I turned out OK. Crying is good for you. What am I saying? Nothing helpful at all. Love love.

  4. Have you tried using a nipple shield? It would stop the spray when you let down, because it would hit the inside of the shield instead of Ikey’s mouth. Medela makes then, in a few different sizes, and you can pick one up for less than $10. It’s worth a try 🙂

  5. Hi sweet girl, sorry i haven’t read for a while. I’m sad to hear you are having so much trouble with nursing. I know how frustrating it is to have a baby that is fussy with the breast. I had/have the same. I don’t know if it is/was about oversupply, but you know my littleone never had any problem with weight like yours, he just kept on gaining, even when I thought he was hardly feeding at all.
    My theory on this is that babies whose mums have a lot of milk are very efficient, they don’t need to feed as long or as often as some other babies. Also for my little one, nursing has never been his priority. I’ve spent so much time trying to ‘force’ him to nurse. I should have just let him go. He knows what he is up to. He’s even gone whole days without feeding. But like yours, he would generally feed when he was sleepy. That’s when all the outside distractions would disappear. So I made a point of nursing him to sleep whenever I could, naps and bedtime and durign the night. It sucks to miss your sleep, but there’s no point fighting to nurse during the day when it’s much much easier to do it when they’re sleepy.
    I know it’s so tempting to want to fix it, try nipple shields, expressing foremilk etc. But you know what, if you can take a few deep breaths and follow your baby’s lead, things will get better.
    I think it’s hard for a 3 month old becasue they are just becoming more aware of the world around them, so nursing is not the all encompassing thing it once was. Suddenly there are things going on around them that are a hell of a lot more interesting than milk. They might want to feed, but they also want to do other things. I’m sure this indecision leads to a lot of fussing, and a lot of mothers’ frustration!
    oh, well no real advice, just to say i’ve been there. my baby is still a fussy feeder, but we understand each other a bit better now. xx

  6. I just want to say another thing which does go down the road of advice. Feel free to tell me to shut up if you want. But I’m wondering if you are expressing 5 ounces before every feed (or just some feeds), you are telling your body that it needs to keep producing those extra 5 ounces as it thinks your baby is drinking it. This in effect will maintain your oversupply issue.
    In order to deal with oversupply, you might want to try feeding on the same side for two feeds, leaving the other side as full as you can bare (express just a little if it’s uncomfortable). Having a full breast will send feedback to the body to produce ‘less’ milk. Just be careful not to let yourself become uncomfortable, because then you’ll be at risk of mastitis, blocked ducts etc. and that is not pleasant at all. I’ll see if I can find some links for you, I read all this stuff a while back.
    Ps. My little Imp still doesn’t take a bottle, but it’s easier to get out, I know he’s okay going a while between feeds.

  7. Thanks Amberjee,

    I’ve heard of your situation before, it would drive me crazy!! ha ha. I’m really trying to read Ikey’s cues and we’ve made some headway these past few days. I only pump off 5 ounces off on breast in the morning because I nurse from one side at night to avoid my husband rolling onto of the poor fella. My jerky husband is a selfish sleeper 🙂

    Anyway, I might try that block feeding thingie if cutting him down to 30 minutes each feed doesn’t work.

    Thanks for your input!

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