The past few days I’ve been feeling kind of pent up. It’s a weird feeling, like I wanted to freak out all over the place. I eventually gave into last night and just got really hyper…manic much?? *sigh* it was another one of those flashback thingies I’ve been getting, almost like that part of my brain that’s been lost is trying to re-boot…how weird?? Any psychologists reading?? Help?? Last night during my hyper period I just wanted to go play kick the can or something, remember that game?? On a warm summer’s night? So fun and so freeing. I miss being a teenager a lot. So much fun to be had as a teenager.
More tears today, from me and from Isaac. All about nursing. I’m lost, I’m sad, I’m stuck, I’m at my wits end. I don’t want to nurse him anymore but I REALLY don’t want to give him formula. He’s nursing as I type. He nurses best when he’s sleeping. So I put him to sleep today after him and I cried about it all together…for the second time today. GGRRRRRRRRRRR. He wont take the bottle now, he did only once. He gags when I barely stick it in his mouth. I don’t blame him, I’d gag too…we have bad gag reflexes in our family, thanks mom. I’ve contacted a lady from the le leche league and hopefully she can help. I’m starting to go bonkers. I guess I need to continue to be reassured that he’s getting enough milk. He’s beyond the 97th percentile for weight. That means he’s pretty much one of the fattest three month olds….ever. Odd huh? He’s into 9 month clothes now and um…well the length is perfect for him and the width…well it’s good once the cotton stretches. I don’t get it…imagine how large he’d be if he nursed well? He gets SO stressed while nursing and becomes his own worst enemy. He kinda breaks the suction around his lips so he sucks back air and swallows it or coughs and he just gets more and more mad. I try and burp him and it sometimes works but sometimes doesn’t. He wiggles and wiggles and wiggles which makes him break suction more and more. Sometimes he’ll be totally calm and I’ll let down and he’ll wake up and cry and cry. Even if I’m laying flat on my back he still does it. He hates the let down. Laying on my back can’t stop it. This morning when he unlatched I got sprayed in the face…it’s intense. Poor guy. Poor me. I hate this so much. Silas went through a short phase but wasn’t nearly this difficult. We was a pro at nursing. I know Ikey can too…I’ve seen him handle my let downs before, he has to swallow with every suck but he can do it, I’ve seen it numerous times. Just most of the time he chooses to get upset about it.
Ike woke up and he smells like a pre-pubescent’s gym bag. Residual sweat and um…mung and um…stale milk?? I just bathed him yesterday I think…nope the day before. I guess that’s what happens when a person constantly sweats all over the place. He’s gross…but cute.
Silas has his first Oreo today…he got covered with black goop. It was pretty cute. My little Silas, he’s so happy lately but when he’s not he screams like a school girl. Like a freaking psycho school girl. I cover his mouth when he does it. It hurts the potatoes in my ears.
Last night Brent had to stop the movie we were watching because he was trying to burp Ike and Ike wouldn’t stop smiling at him…we couldn’t pay attention to the movie because Isaac was SO cute. Yummy cuteness. yum yum yum.
So mister stinky sweaty pants and I are going to have a dip in the shower. His smell is getting to me, making me feel like a bad mother for having the smelly child. Silas can go for days without a bath and he just smells better and better. Except for his ears…anyone else’s kids have smelly ears?