Excuse Me While I Go Purge My Supper

I live in townhouses, it seems to me that people get more nosy when you live in a townhouse.  I have this one neighbour two doors down that I find to be particularly nosy.  Her child was the one who I removed my children from because him and two other boys were playing “shoot the East Indians” in the playground the other day. Nice.

I’ve always felt like I wanted to make more friends in the complex besides our most bestest friends around here whom we love and adore.  The bring us beer and always have ample moonshine available, no joke (o ya, we also like their personalities).  This nosy neighbour of mine has tried to reach out to me a few times and me being the girl who likes to say no to social functions…said no.  I’ve been trying to stop doing that.  We’ve chatted a few times before, last time we spoke she walked up and asked me “who’s the screamer?” I tried to not be offended.  I don’t like labelling my son Silas as “the screamer” but I am grateful to the neighbours who are understanding and who don’t call child and family services on us.

A few days ago the kids and I were outside and Silas was quietly playing with sidewalk chalk and she walks up and says “oh he looks happy”…all he was doing was drawing on the road.  I was instantly offended, like he’s never happy?  Perhaps if he was squealing and giggling she could say that, but calmly drawing on the sidewalk?  Gimme a break…beeyatch!  I wish I could say something witty and powerful in a moment like that but I just say something nice, cuz I’m nice…too nice.

Anyway, as I was sitting on the curb with my knees up close to my body she looks at my stomach then asks “oh are you expecting another child?” my brain said “SCUSE ME WENCH!!!??” but I said “nope” and she backtracked and said “oh I heard a lot of the ladies in the complex were pregnant”.  I was thinking “B**ch please, you just looked at my stomach THEN asked…cow”.  She’s making it very hard for me to like her.

She left and we continued happily for a while.  Our neighbour whom we LIKE sent her son out and over to me to make sure the crackers he wanted to share with Silas and Isaac were peanut free and they were so they all ran around eating goldfish.  Nosy Wench Cow came back and suddenly started asking me if those crackers were safe for Silas and asking all these questions…butting in…as IF I’m going to sit here and watch Silas consume something that would kill him!!  Ugh dumb Nosy Wench Cow.

The neighbour that I actually like (her name is Simona and her son is Dominic and her hubby is Scott) came out and made life a bit easier for me.  We chatted and I finally ran in and stuck my kids in bed and then came out to chat.  Dumb Nosy Wench Cow was still there.  We chatted about peanut allergies, autism, strata things and how DESPERATE I am for chocolate…I was NEEDING it that night.  She finally left to go to the store.  Phew.  I told Simona about the pregnancy thing and she laughed so hard.  She doesn’t like Dumb Nosy Wench Cow either.

So finally I’m home, Brent’s at his band practice, I’m settling in to watch a movie and I get a knock on my door.  It’s Dumb Nosy Wench Cow Face but she had CHOCOLATE with her.  I happily took one and stepped outside with her because I was sure it had pecans in it, it looked like Turtles.  I was JUST about to take a bite from it and she’s like “ya you should eat it outside because it has peanuts in it” I immediately handed it back to her and she was all shocked that I don’t eat peanuts.  Well lady, I know you were concerned about CRACKERS may containing peanuts but if I eat them then I will contain peanuts!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.  Shoo Dumb Nosey Wench Cow Face..SHOOOOOOOO.

Good thing she *mostly* keeps to herself hey?  I guess it makes for good blogging material.

Anyway, I’m letting Silas stay up from his nap because we baked brownies together.  Once he chows down on one I’m sending him straight to bed.  I was planning on spending some good alone time with him but he slipped upstairs to the world of youtube and is now watching letter videos.  I’m sure his little letter loving heart is pitter patting away with glee.

I, for one, will try to only partake of ONE brownie, seeing as though I look like I’m going to be giving birth within the next 9 months….BEEYATCH!


  1. I dunno, I think it was sort of thoughtful (misguided yes) of her to bring you chocolate… I mean I dont think shes trying to be a beyatch.. Sounds like shes trying to make a friend and just doesnt know how. Or have skills at social ques?

  2. OMG I laughed so hard when I read this entry! I tell you I don’t dare ask if a woman is pregnant unless she is obviously about to give birth any minute because I look about 3 months preggers all the time 🙂 Sorry you couldn’t find my blog for a while- I am on Facebook too if you want to look me up there- or if you need me you can always email me too. Try not to worry about the pregnant comment- she sounds like an idiot- you look great!

  3. Thats pretty much the funniest blog I’ve ever read! I like how you added one name per offense. Id like to see what you’d call her if she keeps her foot in her mouth. I seriously cant believe she brought peanuts over. Wow. issues! BTW you do not look prego. just for the record…

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