Why does being a mother involve guilt? Is it the guilt that drives us or the love? There’s nothing worse than non parents pointing out your faults as a parent. I don’t feel horribly guilty. My kids are going to have a way less stressful childhood than mine so I know they’re ok. Hopefully they wont get bitten by the depression bug but they do have a mom who can recognise depression really easily so they’ll be ok. I just feel bad about where my time is divided. I feel like I don’t play with Silas enough and I don’t cuddle Isaac enough. Deep down I know Ikey does get enough cuddles though, he’s nursed for an hour at a time. Goodness. Plus he gets to sleep with me in the mornings. I confess, though, that I do not know how to play with Silas and that when I do, I get really bored or distracted. I was good at reading books but he doesn’t bring them to me much anymore. I just never know what to do. It’s so easy to entertain a toddler but when I actually try hard to think of what to do, I can’t find anything. My sister Jill could find a billion things to do. I do play with Silas, just not enough I don’t think. He is doing well developmentally and is ahead or the same as most kids his age….of course also behind in certain areas but every kid is. It’s been commented to me by someone that they think Silas is bored in general. Thus the basis of my guilt. BUT Silas is well taken care of. He doesn’t spend a moment of his day in front of the TV so I know he’s not turning into a zombie. He’s starting to use his imagination and I love seeing that. He’s also VERY good at playing by himself which i think is important. Anyway, how do you people play with your toddlers?
Brent is by far exceeding my expectations in renos. Our flooring is all finished and everything. He did all the transistions yesterday and they’re perfect. I’m glad he likes finishing work because that’s the stuff that gets left. We ordered blinds for the house. We’ll get them tomorrow or the next day. We need them SO badly. None of them in here work properly and there’s none on the sliding doors in the living room. So new blinds it is. We’re getting the fake wood ones. They’re white and 2″ so they’re nice-looking. I’m excited. I hate metal blinds so yay for fake wood ones. The real wood ones would have been 400 bucks more. No thanks. We have new doors and bi-folds on order I think…or Brent’s getting quotes. My darling Brent stayed up until 12:30 cleaning out house last night. Yesterday we had a big discussion about how I just shut down where there’s SO much to do and so much chaos around me so he cleaned up so I’d feel better.
Silas did the cutest thing this morning. I was placing some fruit to ripen on our pass through between our kitchen and dining room and one dropped into the dining room. Being uber forgetful and easily distracted I totally forgot about it. I was sitting in our rocking chair talking to Brent on the phone and I wheeled the chair around and Silas was squatting on the floor eating the nectarine. Juice was dripping down his chin and hands and he was taking massive adult bits of the thing. In his other hand he was holding a little package of tissues (for some reason). He turned to me and smiled and said “yum yum yum” and continued eating. I was laughing so hard, he just looked SO cute. Eventually he brought it to me and said “bring to mommy” and went on his merry way. So cute.
Anyway, since both boys are in bed i should go get some stuff done. Right when I start, Ike will wake up. I just know it.
update-as previously mentioned, Isaac woke up just as I was about to get stuff done. I did manage to get a lod of laundry in though!