Guilt

Why does being a mother involve guilt? Is it the guilt that drives us or the love? There’s nothing worse than non parents pointing out your faults as a parent. I don’t feel horribly guilty. My kids are going to have a way less stressful childhood than mine so I know they’re ok. Hopefully they wont get bitten by the depression bug but they do have a mom who can recognise depression really easily so they’ll be ok. I just feel bad about where my time is divided. I feel like I don’t play with Silas enough and I don’t cuddle Isaac enough. Deep down I know Ikey does get enough cuddles though, he’s nursed for an hour at a time. Goodness. Plus he gets to sleep with me in the mornings. I confess, though, that I do not know how to play with Silas and that when I do, I get really bored or distracted. I was good at reading books but he doesn’t bring them to me much anymore. I just never know what to do. It’s so easy to entertain a toddler but when I actually try hard to think of what to do, I can’t find anything. My sister Jill could find a billion things to do. I do play with Silas, just not enough I don’t think. He is doing well developmentally and is ahead or the same as most kids his age….of course also behind in certain areas but every kid is. It’s been commented to me by someone that they think Silas is bored in general. Thus the basis of my guilt. BUT Silas is well taken care of. He doesn’t spend a moment of his day in front of the TV so I know he’s not turning into a zombie. He’s starting to use his imagination and I love seeing that. He’s also VERY good at playing by himself which i think is important. Anyway, how do you people play with your toddlers?

Brent is by far exceeding my expectations in renos. Our flooring is all finished and everything. He did all the transistions yesterday and they’re perfect. I’m glad he likes finishing work because that’s the stuff that gets left. We ordered blinds for the house. We’ll get them tomorrow or the next day. We need them SO badly. None of them in here work properly and there’s none on the sliding doors in the living room. So new blinds it is. We’re getting the fake wood ones. They’re white and 2″ so they’re nice-looking. I’m excited. I hate metal blinds so yay for fake wood ones. The real wood ones would have been 400 bucks more. No thanks. We have new doors and bi-folds on order I think…or Brent’s getting quotes. My darling Brent stayed up until 12:30 cleaning out house last night. Yesterday we had a big discussion about how I just shut down where there’s SO much to do and so much chaos around me so he cleaned up so I’d feel better.

Silas did the cutest thing this morning. I was placing some fruit to ripen on our pass through between our kitchen and dining room and one dropped into the dining room. Being uber forgetful and easily distracted I totally forgot about it. I was sitting in our rocking chair talking to Brent on the phone and I wheeled the chair around and Silas was squatting on the floor eating the nectarine. Juice was dripping down his chin and hands and he was taking massive adult bits of the thing. In his other hand he was holding a little package of tissues (for some reason). He turned to me and smiled and said “yum yum yum” and continued eating. I was laughing so hard, he just looked SO cute. Eventually he brought it to me and said “bring to mommy” and went on his merry way. So cute.

Anyway, since both boys are in bed i should go get some stuff done. Right when I start, Ike will wake up. I just know it.

update-as previously mentioned, Isaac woke up just as I was about to get stuff done.  I did manage to get a lod of laundry in though!

11 comments

  1. Hey you!
    Well, I am totally in the same boat, I think all moms must be, atleast at some point.
    I think also that until you are a parent, you have no right to judge, non-parents always think they know whats best for your child, and always seem to be quick to point out the negatives, but never seem to tell you how great you are when you actually manage to do something positive.
    Silas and Isaac are amazing kids, and are very obviously very well cared for and very loved:), your a great mom! Keep it up babycakes!:)muah!

  2. I think we all go through this at one time or another. My oldest will be going back to school this Wednesday and I’m glad because he’ll have all his buddies to play with again. We’ve played lots and he’s gone fishing lots with my husband and he’s gone swimming and we’ve done tons, but I always worry about him because my nights are spent trying to keep baby calm and fed which lately has been a nightmare. He’s definitely not getting lots of attention at night 🙁 It’s hard – but hang in there – Silas always looks so happy in pics and from all the stories I’m sure you’re doing just great! Keep it up! And that story about Silas today was OH SO SWEET!!! Did you snap a picture?

  3. well, i hope that a day at a peaceful lake is in the future for you! guess i shouldn’t complain about lack of biting fish, huh? i think we should have a national mommy day, where they do absolutely nothing but sit in their favorite place, do their favorite thing, and not think about their frequent worries and/or guilts. i’ll plan it, then let all you Moms know about when it is.

  4. I know where you stand on the playing with your kids. My son is 3 and I have a hard time finding stuff to do. He does watch tv but only short bits here and there through out the day, and they are educational. He can count to 10 and I never taught him. Even as I type this he is bugging me for my attention. I love him to bits but I can’t spend 24/7 entertaining him. People have no right to tell you how to raise your children weather they are parents or not. Every child is different and all need different attention. Search the WWW for things to do. Its a wonderful place. I like to do crafts with my son. He loves to paint.

  5. oh, just reading this makes my heart go out to you because I can just totally feel your guilt. It is part of being a mommy and I never was any good at playing with my toddlers either. I just didn’t get it, and I don’t have the attention span. I’d get distracted by the dust on the bookshelf, say “just a minute” and then spend an hour cleaning instead. I know now that simply being with your children 24/7 is an invaluable gift and covers a multitude of mommy guilt. I know now that just enjoying them (ie the nectarine) is a mathematical equivalent of playing rescue heroes for an hour. Your kids are safe. They are loved. They have all the security in the world. And sometimes a few hours away for mommy (or a few minutes if all you can manage is a 5 minute walk) will clear your guilt passages enough to reassure yourself that your boys are among the top (very small) percentage of children who are being raised with a rare advantage: two parents, together, who love and care for them.

    xo

  6. Yes Joyce said IT. You and Brent love the boys, and you are there caring for them as Brent contributes the monitary support. As far as playing geos remember that play does not need to perfect, just your best effort.

  7. Amen to your best effort! Silas won’t remember whether you banged on pots with him or played with funnels in the sink, but he will remember being loved 🙂 I’ll trade you for my 9-year-old whom I have no idea what to do with!

  8. I was a nanny to two little girls and when the older one stopped napping but the younger one still did, I had no idea what to do with the older one! I would be busy making dinner so couldn’t entertain her, but she was adamant that I give her things to do. So I put her to work washing her tea set dishes in the sink! The funny thing about toddlers, I found, is that they like to help… so if you have a hard time coming down to his level sometimes, encourage him to climb up to yours. Let him help you bake, clean, do meal planning or whatever. Sometimes she would just sit and watch me clean the bathroom with big, huge eyes, and ask me all kinds of questions about the toilet brush. haha!

    I agree about the non-parents, thing. I’m not a mother, so I keep my parenting opinions to myself (or rave about them to my husband: “honey, when WE are parents, we’re going to do it THIS way!”). As a nanny I often felt like smacking people who told me how to handle my charges! Do they honestly think they are helping when they interfere?

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