The Universe Conspires

Just when I’d had enough, when I thought not much more could really go wrong, the Universe decided to throw another one at me. I had just exited my kitchen on my way to lay on the couch with Isaac and nurse him when the Universe grabbed my foot and placed it ever so perfectly for me to WHAM it into the couch at such a perfect angle and velocity that I would then break* it and cry. I didn’t cry for pain, I just cried because it’s just another thing on top of thing after thing after thing. Those of you who’ve been with me for the past 6 months can agree that the dang Universe is most definitely conspiring against me.

I really have no clue as to what I have done to deserve such crap. I’ve gone through trail after trail after trail and then felt guilty because why should I feel so bad when others are going through much worse? Again I’m feeling guilty. Peanut allergies, car accidents, eviction notices, friends hurting me, etc all pale in comparison to the things others go through. Alas, it doesn’t pale in comparison to what I am used to.

It almost seemed a year ago when things started to go wrong. I was crushed at first by the positive pregnancy test (but really, thank God for Ikey, he really relaxes me…as long as we’re not nursing), we were stinking poor after Christmas all the way until about March when the money issue was looking up but then the eviction and the car crash and then having to move into that 500 sq ft apartment, etc.

I think Silas was in on it today as well. Perhaps he’s being bribed by the Universe with cookies. If he screams all day long then he gets cookies (I hope the Universe is aware of his peanut allergy). Although that’s just speculation, he could very well just be acting like a COMPLETE JERK just for fun. Who knows. I’m just thankful that Ikey slept through the last screaming session. I was dumb and covered Silas’ mouth, he likes that so he decided to scream and scream until I did it again, but I didn’t do it again so there was lots of screaming happening. I never realized how enraged I could actually become in such situations. If I didn’t hear from other mothers about their own feelings, I’d think I had an anger management problem.

I’ve leaped over yet another hurdle and I can’t stop running towards whatever will be the next one. That’s the fun of life, never know what’s going to come flying at you next. It is fun….right??

*It’s not confirmed to be broken as I didn’t go in to get it checked out. I know exactly what the dr. would do and say and therefore I can just rest easy at home and not bother the poor guy. The treatment for a broken toe is a piece of tape. I learned how to tape in Kindergarten, you don’t need a doctorate to tape. The signs and symptoms lead to a break but I’m feeling as though it might not be. I’m just so used to sprains that hurt so much worse so I’m not sure what to expect of a break. It sure looks broken though….who knows.

toe.jpg

it’s hard to see the bruising but it’s all swollen 🙁

toe2.jpg

9 comments

  1. Hi Leah.

    i am just writing to give and send out my support and love. im seeing that things aren’t going so peachy for you, and because i’m in the same boat, but within a totally different category, what i do know is that little messages like these can either help a bit, or make a world of a difference (even if just for a split second)

    you’re a beautiful girl, but most importantly more beautiful on the inside. and i know this, because i’ve had the opportunity to see if for myself.

    keep your chin up girly.

    xoxoxo

  2. Leah, I’m sorry that you are discouraged. I really appreciate your honosty about your struggles, and really – I think you are an incredible mom and I really look up to you. I hope I can be to my child what you are to your boys. I will pray for you, that our God who loves you so intimately will speak to you, even if it’s sweet nothings, that you know he is there, getting you through each day. And that he has a purpose for you, your family, your sons. I LOVE YOU!

  3. Ouch! Some of my sprains were far more painful than some of my broken bones. As far as seeing a dr. goes, just do what you would advise me to do if it was my toe! 🙂 It sure looks swollen and painful. Praying for you about everything…

  4. Ouchy. When I was preggy I swear I hit my toes on EVERYTHING I could find! They looked like yours most of the pregnancy. I was so clumsy.

    Hang in there. I know how you feel. My situations are different, but I’ve felt like I’ve been dumped on for many months now too. Just seems I can’t get out of my slump.

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